Page 94 of Home is Where You Are

Jax

Iwasn’t sure how long I’dbeen sitting in Dallas’s car. I’d gotten a half-dozen donuts and driven over to the spot I’d taken Liv the first night we met. I parked in the same overflow lot and sat in the car for what felt like hours. The later it got, the more cars trickled out of the neighborhood until there was only me and the lamplight left. As advertised, the donuts had been hot when I got them, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat them. I’d placed them in the passenger seat untouched.

The rage I’d felt earlier in the day, the same rage that caused me to go punch Benton Wyatt in the nose, had subsided leaving behind a sorrow so deep I could feel it in my bones. My entire body ached for Liv, and the realization that I’d lost her for good had finally begun to settle in.

Finding out about my mom hurt like hell, but I couldn’t say it was surprising. I’d never be able to fully understand what happened or why, though I couldn’t help but take solace in realizing she’d cared for me in her own way. Maybe I was telling myself that so I could feel better about all of this, but I believed she was proud of me. She collected those clippings because she was proud of me and the man I’d become. It comforted me to know she’d gotten to see how happy and in love I’d been, even if it was only in a photo. I hoped somehow that knowledge brought her peace in her final moments, that when all was said and done, she knew she made the best choices she could for me.

I’d spent all these years thinking she abandoned me, that I never crossed her mind. For so long, I thought that meant I wasn’t worth loving. But if none of that had happened, where would I be now? I wouldn’t have the band, and I never would have found Liv. Maybe love sometimes meant knowing when to let go—knowing when we weren’t what that person needed.

I wished I could have reconnected with my mom. I’d had all these dreams of finding her, marrying Liv, and having a family of our own. In that vision, my mom had gotten to be a part of my life. I may never have been able to look at her as a motherly figure, but I’d hoped we could forge a friendship somehow. Those visions were all I had left of the future I’d dreamed of. My mom was gone, and Liv was too. Now, it was my turn to let go.

As angry as I was at the universe for bringing Liv into my life only for me to lose her, I knew I’d lose her a thousand times if it meant getting to love her once. I’d never love anyone like that again. I knew that people lived lifetimes and never got to experience that kind of love. I was fucking lucky I had it at all, even if it wasn’t forever.

I gazed out into the night as it started to snow, which was a rare sight in the south. Big, fluffy flakes rained from the sky, dancing in the street lights. I buttoned my coat, got out of the car, and clicked the lock on the fob, tucking it inside my pocket. I started down the street toward the pie shop, the cold air stinging against my skin. My breath appeared like a cloud in front of me, and the smell of snow hung in the air.

I shoved my hands in my pockets to ward off the cold. There was a certain peacefulness in the quiet snowfall. The flakes fell all around me, gently grazing my cheeks as they continued their descent from the sky.

The twinkly golden lights were on, making the vacant pie shop look as though it lived inside a snow globe. I climbed on top of the same picnic table we’d sat on that first night in the crisp autumn air. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, and closed my eyes. In my mind’s eye, I could see Liv and I walking through these streets, talking for hours. I could hear her beautiful voice singing to me the night we got wine-drunk in her living room. I could see the way she looked in my eyes when she told me she was falling in love with me. I could almost feel her in my arms. A tear slid down my face as I let the memories of her flood my mind like a thousand perfect snowflakes falling from my heart.

I could almost smell her sweet, orange blossom scent intertwined with the snow.

“Turn around.” I heard the sound of her sweet voice as though she was standing right behind me. “Jax, please turn around.”

“Liv!” My eyes flew open, and I turned to find her standing there, shivering in leggings and a sweatshirt. Her face glistened as a mixture of tears and snowflakes dampened her rosy cheeks. I closed the distance between us, peering down into her emerald eyes. “What are you doing here? How did you even know I was here?”

“I didn’t. Not for sure,” she admitted, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “But I hoped. Cash told me about your mom. I’m so sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for everything. I should have been there for you. I never should have let you walk out that door. I never should have said those things to you. I should have turned around. I wanted to, but—”

“It’s okay, baby.” I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and wiped away a snowflake that fell on her cheek with my thumb.

“It’s not okay.” She shook her head. “You were right about everything. Iwasscared. I was terrified of being hurt again. I was afraid I wouldn’t be enough for you. The truth is, I was never lost in your shadow becauseyoubrought me into the light, Jax. You made me fall head over heels in love with you, but you also helped me fall in love withmeagain. You were right. Anything this life throws at us, we can get through it together. I don’t care what anyone else says. They can think whatever they want about me as long as I’m the woman that gets to love you. You are the love of my life, and I would set my world on fire for you. I love you, Jaxon Slade.”

“I love you so much,” I cried, tears of relief slipping down my cheeks. I scooped her up in my arms, her legs wrapping around my waist as I crashed my lips to hers.

“Come home, Jax,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me tighter. “Please, come home.”

I sighed, leaning my head against hers, and smiled. “I already am.”