Liv looked from me to Cash, then back to me. “Bradley Cooper? Likethe actor?”
“Oh.” I laughed nervously. “I haven’t gotten a chance to tell you yet. Well, you see, it’s a funny story. I got a dog.”
Liv’s mouth fell open. “A dog.Yougot a dog. When?”
“A little over a week ago,” I replied, shifting in my seat, suddenly feeling very hot.
Liv blinked slowly and pressed her lips together.
I slid my hands beneath my thighs to keep from fidgeting as I launched into the story. “I was just feeling really lonely with Grace gone, and the house was too damn quiet, so I called Derek to go with me to the shelter an—”
“You asked Derek to go with you?” Liv’s face fell, her mouth turned down into a soft frown.
“I mean, you’ve had your hands full, and it wasn’t that big of a big deal,” I said with the wave of my hand. “It was a spur of the moment thing.”
Liv chewed her lip a moment and nodded.
I cleared my throat, desperate to cut through the silence that permeated the air. I dug my phone out of my pocket and found a picture where Bradley Cooper looked at the camera with his mouth open in what looked like a smile. “This is him.”
“Wow.” Liv nodded. A small smile spread across her mouth, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Well, he sure is a cutie. So, his name is Bradley Cooper?”
“Actually, his name was Cash.” I felt Cash’s eyes on me, but I kept my focus on Liv. “But we couldn’t have two of those around here. I mean, how weird would that have been?” An awkward laugh bubbled out of my throat. “I would have been like, ‘Cash, don’t pee on the rug. Cash, quit humping my leg.’ That would have been, uh...” I swallowed and nearly choked on my own spit. “Anyway, I thought Bradley Cooper was a good name because then I could be like, ‘Oh, sorry, I can’t tonight. I have to get home to Bradley Cooper.’”
Cash’s face twitched with amusement as he leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees. His hands were clasped together so tight that his knuckles turned white. “Yeah, if you said you had to get home to Cash, that could get confusing.”
Way to play it cool, Cash.I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Exactly. So confusing. But he’s the cutest dog. You’re going to love him. He’s so sweet, and he loves long walks and eating my shoes. Anyway, enough about my status as a dog mom. Tell us about the kids.”
Liv’s eyes rested on me for a moment before she started to speak. “It’s weird how your life can change in the blink of an eye. With one decision, you can be living what feels like a completely different life. For so long, I thought the possibility of being a mom was behind me, but now, with Chloe and Jonathan… It's like living in a dream I never truly let myself believe was possible.”
“Chloe and Jonathan.” Cash repeated their names, beaming with pride.
Liv shook her head, pressing her palm to her face. “I’m so sorry, Cash. I just realized we hadn’t even told you their names yet. I’ve been kind of a mess.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Cash assured her. “You’ve got a lot going on.”
“How are they adjusting?” I asked. “How are you and Jax doing?”
“They’ve had a hard go of it, but they’re so resilient. I think they’re happy here. I hope they are.” Liv’s eyes moved to where Chloe and Jonathan giggled in front of the television. “Jax is a natural. He was meant to be a dad. But I… I don’t know. I worry I’m doing something wrong. What if I’m not a good mom?”
“Honey, I still feel that way, and Grace is nineteen.” I reached over and squeezed her knee. “I promise. All parents feel like this. None of us know what we’re doing.”
“It’s more than that.” She sighed. “I feel myself holding back.”
“How so?” Cash furrowed his brow.
“A lot can happen in this situation.” Liv shrugged. “Just because we have them now doesn’t mean we’ll get to keep them. The closer I get to them, the more it will hurt if we lose them. It’s this endless cycle that keeps me up at night. What if their birth mom comes back in the picture? Am I a horrible person if there’s part of me that hopes she doesn’t?”
“Honey, no.” I shook my head. “That doesn’t make you horrible.”
“It makes you human,” Cash added gently.
“You care about these kids,” I said. “You want what’s best for them, and honestly, I can’t imagine what it feels like with that constant fear hanging over your head. But what I do know is you’ll never regret giving them all of you. Even if you only get to give them all of you for a short time, you’re going to be as much of a gift to them as they are to you.”
My own words echoed through my mind as I looked over at Cash whose eyes rested on me. Before I could consider what that meant, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Chloe’s cries.
“Hey now,” Liv cooed as she rushed to pick up the toddler. “Oh, I think someone needs a diaper change. Sorry, guys. I’ll just be a minute.”
“Actually, we should probably head out,” I said. “I need to go check on things over at the bakery, and uh, Cash still has to drop me off at my house.”
