“Fifteen,” I managed through the lump in my throat, picking at a loose string on the rip of my jeans. That was also how old I was when I lost him. Knowing that the days without him would soon outnumber the ones I got to love him suffocated me. I couldn’t think about it without my hands getting clammy.
“You should come,” Kia urged. “It’ll be good for you.”
“Or if you don’t want to come, maybe we could all skip out and do something together,” Ravi suggested. “Just the four of us.”
My chest tightened. Ravi and Jen hadn’t missed a single group meeting in three years. It had been a lifeline for them after losing their fifteen-year-old son. And I understood because for a long time, it had been the same for me. But the closer I got to this anniversary, the more weathered the threads holding me together became. One small gust of wind could scatter all the pieces of my heart I’d spent years trying to reassemble.
I was supposed to be making progress—not going backward.
“I think that’s a great idea,” Kia said. “It can be your birthday next time.”
The walls of the restaurant pushed in on me like two pieces of bread, and I was the peanut butter in the middle oozing out.
“Or we can all come over,” Ravi suggested. “Bring cake and tequila.”
“And movies,” Jen added. “We can watch your favorite.”
“I thought you hatedSpeed,” I said.
“I do,” Jen replied. “But I love you.”
Kia arched a brow. “And Keanu.”
“I guess he’s okay,” Jen said with a wave of her hand.
I laughed, and the walls retreated.
“I’ll think about it,” I agreed before tugging on my jacket. “I better get going. I’m supposed to be at Katie’s by seven thirty, and I told her I’d pick up some beer on the way.”
“Is the taillight on your truck still working okay?” Ravi asked as I got to my feet.
“It is.” I smiled. “Thanks to you.”
“See you next month?” Kia asked.
“It’s your turn to pick.” Jen’s nose was already scrunched with preemptive disappointment, knowing exactly what restaurant I would select.
I pretended to consider my options. “Olive Garden it is, then.”
Jen faked a gag, and I tossed a wave over my shoulder as I headed out.
It was late September, which was code forstill summerin Nashville. But the nights had turned cooler with the promise of golden autumn sunsets, horror movies, and decaying leaves. My brain wanted to love fall, but my heart never let me forget why I couldn’t. It sensed the chill in the air long before the temperatures dropped. It was the kind of bone-deep cold no amount of blankets or heat could ever remedy.
The kind that came from losing the one person who was supposed to be by my side through every season of my life.
“You made it!”Katie beamed while welcoming me inside through the back door, her honey-colored ponytail bobbing. Voices from her living room filtered into the small kitchen, and my breath quickened. Even though I’d been to these game nights before, I still got nervous every single time.
“Got the last two they had.” I held up the six-packs of Lovebird beer I’d gotten from Jackalope Brewing Company because I knew it was Katie’s favorite.
“McKenzie!” Her boyfriend Dallas pulled me into his tattoo-covered arms for a bear hug as though we hadn’t all seen each other hours before at work. “You brought brewskis!”
I wrinkled my nose and made no effort to return his embrace. “No-ski. I brought beer. Because I’m not an overgrown frat boy.” My mouth quirked as I turned to Katie. “Literally, how do you put up with him?”
“You love me,” Dallas said, going back to putting the finishing touches on the charcuterie boards they’d made.
“I love you like I love tequila, Tommy Lee,” I quipped, using the nickname I’d bestowed on him because he was a former drummer. “In small doses.” That wasn’t entirely true. I had come to enjoy working with Dallas almost as much as I loved working with Katie. He got on my damn nerves most of the time, but he had an almost brotherly quality to him that I liked. The thought sent an icy chill down my spine, and I took a step back.
I cleared my throat. “So, is everyone else already here?”
