“I’m so sorry.” I released a shuddering breath. “I should’ve been there.”
“It’s okay,” he tried to assure me. “It’s—”
“It’s not,” I interrupted. “And I’ll always regret it, but I just…I wasn’t in a good place, Cash. I was—”
This time,hecutmeoff. “It’s okay. You were fighting your own battles, man. I just wish you would have told us what was going on. We would have been there for you in a heartbeat.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s just it. I don’t think I was ready for help. I had to get to a place where I could even be open to the idea. It took me a while, but…I feel like the clouds are lifting.”
He studied me for a moment through the camera of his laptop. “Well, you look good,” he said in that earnest, brotherly way he had about him. “And you’re feeling better?”
“I am,” I answered. “I feel like I’m making progress.”
“I’m proud of you. What you’re doing…it’s not easy. It’s…” He trailed off, scrubbing his hand over his mouth. “God, I went through a dark period after Carrie died. You and the guys knew I was struggling, but you didn’t know the full extent. I threw myself into my work, and it helped that Midnight in Dallas really took off during that time. It gave me something to put every ounce of my energy into. But when I was home during the tour breaks…that’s when it would hit me the hardest.”
“Jesus, Cash,” I said. “I wish we’d known how bad it was.” Losing his first wife had been devastating for him, but he’d carried it so well we must’ve missed just how much the loss had affected him. It had been hard for us all. She’d become an unofficial part of our team.
“I wish I’d told you instead of trying to deal with it alone.” He gave me a sad smile. “We need each other, Luca. People need their people.”
“Yeah.” My throat tightened. “They do.”
“And…I want you to know I’m sorry,” he said, his voice growing thick.
“What for?”
“I should’ve seen it,” he said. “I should have realized…I wasn’t always fair to you. I wasn’t as understanding as I could've been.”
I shook my head. “You have nothing to apologize for. If you’d have tried to be there for me, I would’ve pushed you away. I wouldn’t have listened.”
“But I should’ve tried.” He paused for a moment before speaking again. “I love you, brother. I haven’t told you that enough, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“I love you too.”
He cleared his throat, dabbing at the dampness on his cheeks.
“Fatherhood is really doing a number on you, huh?” I teased.
“You have no idea,” he said with a laugh. “So, you said you had something you wanted to tell me. What’s going on?”
“Well,” I began, “I’ve been doing some journaling as part of my therapy. At first, it was like pulling teeth, but someone much smarter than me suggested I look at it like writing a song. So, I did, and I’d…I’d like to share something I’ve been working on.”
“Really?” His eyes widened. “I’d be honored.”
I performed the song I’d played for McKenzie, attempting to channel the same energy I’d had the day before. Once again, it felt good to sing, and I got lost in the music. Every word felt like a step in the right direction, taking me a little closer to who I was supposed to be.
When I finished, Cash sat in silence so long I thought the app had frozen.
“Cash?” I said. “Are you there?”
“Yeah, sorry,” he said, leaning closer to the camera. “I’m here. I’m just…Wow, Luca. That was incredible. I’m a little speechless right now.”
I chuckled. “I hope that’s not a bad thing.”
“Definitely not,” he said. “But are you sharing this with me for the reason I think you are? Are you considering putting some solo stuff out there?”
I sucked in a breath. “Yeah. I am. If you think it’s good.”
“I think it’s brilliant. Have you worked on anything else?”
