A server came and took our orders, bringing us glasses of water while we waited on our coffees. Once we were alone, I spoke again.
I pushed my hand through my hair. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she replied.
“It’s going to seem weird coming from me.”
“Now I’m even more intrigued. What’s up?”
I blew out a breath. “How did you know you loved Sam? I mean, you’re young. So many people my age and older never find love or maybe they do and aren’t smart enough to recognize it.”
Her eyes went wide. “Wow, I didn’t have you coming to me for relationship advice on my bingo card,” she said with a laugh. “Why do you ask? Is it because of McKenzie?” She flashed me a big cheesy grin.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Maybe.”
“Really?”she squeaked out.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you for relationship advice.” I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Ohstop.” She swatted the air with her hand. “I’m allowed to get excited for you. She’s worth getting excited about.”
“What was it about Sam?” I pressed on. “How did you know it was beyond simply caring about him? How did you know it was love?”
She sighed and sat back in her chair as the server dropped our coffees off. “It wasn’t really an epiphany for me. It wasn’t like that moment in the movies when the female lead is suddenly struck with the realization she can’t live without this guy. It wasn’t one big moment. It was a million little ones.”
I nodded. “Explain.”
She twirled a piece of her long golden hair around her finger. “When I have a rough day, he knows exactly how to make me feel better. He brings me donuts and holds me on his lap while I tell him about it. He doesn’t try to fix it. He just listens.” She pauses a moment, a smile spreading across her face. “If we’re in the car and ‘Cruel Summer’ comes on the radio, he turns it up and scream-sings it with me. And when something big happens, no matter if it’s good or bad, he’s the first person I want to tell. What he thinks matters to me. If I’m considering something, whether it’s an opportunity or if I wake up one morning and want to chop off all my hair, he’s who I’m going to talk to about it because he gets me. He understands me in a way no one else does. He’ll support me no matter what I decide, but he also reminds me how strong I am when I forget.”
Her words kicked me in the chest, knocking the wind right out of me as McKenzie’s face consumed my mind in a beautiful mosaic of the moments we shared together over the past couple of months.
“That’s…that’s incredible,” I managed through the tightness in my throat before I gave her a sincere smile. “I’m happy you found that, Grace. You deserve it.”
She leaned forward, her eyes turning soft. “You deserve that too, you know?”
I wanted to believe it was true, that it was possible for me. But there was still a small part of my brain that questioned if I was worthy of someone so precious. Did my previous transgressions and wrongdoings cancel out my right to happiness?
“You wanna know what it feels like to love someone?” Grace asked, steepling her fingers. “It’s like coming home. It’s that sigh of relief when you walk through the door and know you’re somewhere you don’t have to pretend to be anything other than what you are. It’s where you can be the worst version of yourself and know those four walls will protect you and keep you all the same. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
McKenzie was all of those things to me and more. The fear of whether or not I deserved her paled in comparison to how much I needed her. She was my safety, my refuge, my sanctuary.
She felt like coming home.
I couldn’t getto my notebook fast enough after my lunch with Grace. The words flew from my pen as though they were trying to escape before I could change my mind. In the span of an evening, I’d written an entire song.
When I arrived at the recording studio the next morning, Grace was already waiting inside with two coffees.
She raised one to me when I entered the room. “Brandon, the engineer guy, stepped out for a minute, but he’ll be right back. I got you a—”
“I’ve got to play something for you,” I said, already pulling my guitar from its case and sitting on the couch inside the booth.
She laughed. “Good morning to you too.”
I dug a pick out of my pocket. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said yesterday, and well, I wrote a song about it.”
Grace took a sip of her coffee and perched on the arm of the sofa, placing the extra cup on the end table beside her. “I’m intrigued.”
