Lucy bounds into the room with a flowery tote. “I got sheet masks and some of those treatments that make your feet shed like a snake.”
“Ew.” Ellie wrinkles her nose as she enters with a charcuterie board full of movie candies, placing it on the coffee table. “I’ll pass on that part.”
“Gimme one of those foot thingies,” Kayla says, flopping at my other side. “I’m going out for New Year’s Eve. I want these puppies to be baby soft, so that when I take my heels off after wearing them for approximately five seconds, my feet won’t resemble the claws of a velociraptor.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“My cousin invited me to some fancy shindig in Nashville. Thought you might want to be my plus-one?” She nudges me with her elbow. “If you’re feeling up to it.”
“Maybe,” I offer, though at the moment, the idea of going out is about as unappealing as yanking out my own tooth with a pair of pliers.
“So, what movie should we start with?” Ellie asks, grabbing the remote. “The HolidayorLove Actually?”
“Maybe we should steer clear of rom-coms tonight,” Lucy suggests. “We’ll be subjected to enough of those tomorrow at Mom’s, anyway.”
Ellie nods. “The Nightmare Before Christmasit is.”
“Thank y’all for doing this,” I say. “I know this probably isn’t how any of you wanted to spend the night before Christmas Eve.”
Kayla squeezes my knee. “There’s nowhere we’d rather be.”
“How are you holding up?” Willow asks.
“I’m kind of a mess,” I admit. The corners of my eyes are already stinging with fresh tears. How I still have any moisture left in my body is beyond me.
“Talk to us. That’s what we’re here for.” Lucy sits cross-legged on the floor, unwrapping a foot mask and sliding it on.
I press the back of my head into the cushion and blow out a breath before filling the girls in on what happened the night Oliver went to the hospital and the memories that dredged up for me.
“I care about Oliver, and the idea of something like that happening to him is terrifying,” I explain. “And the closer we get, the harder it’ll be if something bad happens, you know?”
Ellie nods. “I understand why this whole thing would shake you up and make you rethink what you’re ready for.”
“But do you think it's possible you might have jumped the gun on pulling the plug?” Willow asks, a hint of trepidation in her voice as she places her hand over mine.
My chin falls to my chest, and I press my hand over my heart in an attempt to dull the ache that’s been throbbing just beneath the surface since I walked away from Oliver last week.
“No. I did it because I had to.” My words aren’t convincing to anyone, least of all me.
“Did you, though?” Kayla asks gently.
“I really need you guys to support me right now.”
“We do,” Ellie says. “No matter what.”
“Linds, when you were with Oliver, you were happier than I’ve seen you since…well, maybe ever,” Lucy admits. “We just want to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you and that you’re not making this choice based on some hypothetical situation that hasn’t happened yet. Something that mayneverhappen.”
“Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to say.” Kayla props her elbow on the back of the sofa and leans against her arm. “But I think you’ve been looking for a way out. You’re self-sabotaging.”
“I am not,” I argue, heat climbing up my neck.
“You never told Oliver about your fibromyalgia and why you overslept on his birthday,” Kayla points out. “You were afraid for him to see any part of you that wasn’t sunshiny and happy and perfect. Then this whole thing happened and you ran. But the truth is, you already had one foot out the door.”
“That’s not true,” I protest, but as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re a lie.
Kayla gives me a knowing look, and I drop my gaze. She’s the only one here who knows the full extent of what happened with Daniel. I never told my family because it would’ve done nothing but add more hurt to an already painful time. It would have shifted attention to me when the focus needed to be on our mother.
“I think you have to really get honest with yourself about why you decided to walk away,” Willow says.
