Alex: I miss you already. When do you see the baby?
Claire: I’m spending the morning at their house tomorrow. I thought I would go to practice on campus after that, just to catch up with Coach.
I wonder if she remembers our opening game of the season is next week? If someone had told me a month ago that Claire wouldn’t be sitting in the stands cheering, I would have laughed in their face. Now, I don’t even know if she’ll watch.
Alex: Okay. I’m late to the pitch. Stay safe, I’ll talk to you again.It feels more like a question than a statement. I’m at her mercy.
I jog onto the pitch for practice, but my head is not really in the game. I go through the motions since I’ve been trained for too many years not to perform, but it’s not the same.
Returning home is even worse. The house has traces of Claire everywhere, but there’s no laughter. There’s no Claire. It’s much different than when I started living alone in Los Angeles. Now I know life can be so much better. I miss her so much.
A week later, I hear my phone ring as I step out of the shower. Grabbing it off the counter, I see Claire’s face on the screen. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I carry it into the bedroom answering. “Claire?”
“Hi,” she says, sounding a million miles away.
“Is everything okay? How are ye?” I hear her laugh quietly. “Whit time is it there?” I ask looking over at the clock beside the bed. I have to be camera-ready at the club by nine this morning.
“It’s late, but I know today is your first game. I wanted to wish you luck before you left for the stadium.”
“Are ye gaun tae watch it?” I blurt out, wishing I sounded a little less like a grammar schoolboy with a crush.
“Of course. Matt found a British pub that promised to hold us a large table near the TV. Everyone is coming to cheer you on. Apparently we’re going to pretend it’s night even though we’ll be eating lunch.” She laughs. “Alex?”
“I’m here, Claire.” I miss her so badly, I ache to my very bones with it.
“Will you score a goal for me?” Her voice is quiet and I can hear it quake.
“Always for ye,mo ghaol. Always for ye,” I say. I hear a sob right before the line goes dead. “Fucking hell!” I yell, throwing the phone against the wall as hard as I can. It shatters into pieces around the room.
If that’s not bad enough, I hear the doorbell ring. “Who the fuck is ringing my fucking doorbell at this hour!” I scream, jerking the door open, forgetting I’m still only wearing a towel.
“Well, good morning tae ye too, brother.” I stand with my mouth open as Rory pushes past me into my living room. Walking across the apartment, she takes a critical look around. “I guess Bryce was right, ye are already losing yer mind.”
“Whit are ye daein here, Rory?” I growl at her, closing the door.
“I came tae watch yer first game, ye ungrateful arsehole. Bryce and Finlay are also worried aboot ye. They hinted that Claire left ye?” Rory stalks into my bedroom, surveying the destruction of my phone. “Looks like ye’re worse off than suspected,” she yells out at me.
I walk back into the bedroom, grabbing some underwear out of the drawer before slamming the door of the bathroom. “Did she leave ye because of the miscarriage, Alex?” Jerking the bathroom door back open, I storm out in my underwear.
“She didnae fucking leave me, Rory. She just needed a break.” She’s gathered all of the broken pieces of my phone onto the bed.
“Then why is yer phone in pieces all over yer room? There’s a hole in yer wall for Christ’s sake, Alex.” She stands with her hands on her hips. Of all of my sisters, Rory is the only one that gives me absolutely no quarter. I feel my chest tightening up as I struggle to catch my breath.
“Shite, Alex! Ye’re having a panic attack,” Rory says as she pushes me to the ground, forcing my head between my legs. I think I’m having something closer to a heart attack, but I can’t wrestle away from Rory’s grip on my neck.
“I made her cry, Rory.” I hear myself sob. “First, I made her run from me, now she was crying on the phone. She called to wish me luck today and I made her cry.” Rory pushes me back against the wall before dropping onto the carpet across from me.
“She’s still hurting, Alex. We’ll get this figured oot.” She looks me over. “Fin said ye were madly in love, but I didnae believe it. I guess she was right, ye’re a fucking mess.” I close my eyes as we sit in silence. “Whit happened to yer hair?” A small laugh makes its way out of me.
“The club disnae allow long hair. I cut it off before meeting with them in Los Angeles.”
“Good, I always thought ye looked like a girl with that long mess. At least we dinnae look alike now.” I open my eyes, catching the mischief in hers. She doesn’t fool me though, I can see the concern still on her face. I finally feel like I can breathe again. “Ye know it’s gaun tae be okay, right?”
“It disnae feel like it’s gaun tae be okay. It feels like my fucking soul’s been ripped oot.” She lays her hand on my leg for a moment before standing up.
“Come on,” she says, pulling me up. “Ye have tae get dressed and apparently I have tae go pick ye up a new phone. I’ll meet ye at the gate after the game, aye?” She turns when I nod, walking out of the bedroom.
Hearing the front door close, I sink back down on the bed. I have to pull myself together since I still have a job to do. Taking a deep breath, I cross to the closet. I can do this. People fake it all the time. I just wonder how many of them do it knowing their heart is crying somewhere an ocean away.
