“I haven’t even spoken to his wife. Don’t know anything about his kid.” I wiped away the tear that slid down his cheek when his gaze met mine. “What kind of person does that make me?”
My heart crumbled seeing him so broken. I smoothed his hair back and stroked his cheeks. “It makes you someone who’s doing what he can to heal. And sometimes that’s protecting yourself in ways not everyone will understand. Healing from grief and trauma isn’t linear; it isn’t the same for everyone. Just look at how different you’ve all coped with your mom’s death. Claire still sometimes struggles to get out of bed. You and Savvy keep it all bottled up. Tess talks it out with Levi and me in her sessions.”
“Yeah,” he rasped. “I know you’re right, I just still feel like shit for it.”
“Maybe you feeling like shit is a sign to reach out to her. I’m sure calling Jack was difficult, but in the end, it was nice to talk to him again, right?”
He nodded, and I gave him a tiny smile. “See. This is why you’re special, Lilah. You could’ve left me in the never-ending cycle of blaming myself and hiding I was stuck in, but you didn’t. You offered to help me even when it cost you something. You pushed me. You forced me to live. So when I tell you you’re special, believe it. Because you are to me. Okay?”
My voice came out shaky. “Okay.”
I leaned forward, cradling his face in my hands. “What happened to Danny isn’t your fault.” The muscles in his jaw shifted beneath my hands, his eyes growing glassy all over again. “And I’m sure if he were here, he’d tell you the same thing. You’re more than what happened on that horrible day. More than anything you did over there. You’re the brother who protects his sisters. The friend who is there when shit hits the fan. The son who took care of his mom when she needed him most. The man that I”—the words got stuck in my throat, and I bit my lip, forcing the words out differently—“love being around.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either.
His eyes fell shut, sending tears rolling down his cheeks. “If I’m special, then you’re special, too, baby. Okay?”
“Okay,” he whispered. His eyes were so green when he opened them—the greenest I’d ever seen. It felt like noticing how beautiful they were for the first time all over again.
Emmett leaned forward, his lips soft against mine, tender. I could taste his tears, all the heartbreak he kept hidden from everyone but me.
And that’s what made me feel special. Not any of the other things he said. Just this. Knowing he felt safe with me.
“Let’s go swim.”
He blinked. “Swim? In the creek?”
I stood, brushing dirt from my shorts. “Yeah. It’ll be fun, and I think we both need to have a little fun right now.” I held out my hand for him. He glanced at the creek, then at me. “So you can jump out of planes, but can’t get in a five-foot creek? Don’t be a wimp.”
“This feels like peer pressure,” he grumbled, but took my hand and stood anyway.
I reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up slowly, our eyes locked. Mine came off next. His darkened as he looked me over, but he didn’t act on it. And we went on like that, undressing one another in turns in the silence that was deafening with everything I should’ve said these last twenty years.
The water was cool, but not so cold that it was unenjoyable. Sunlight bounced off the ripples of water as we waded past the shallow rock bed to where it dropped off, the earthy scent of the water and silt surrounding us.
“This felt a lot deeper when we were little,” I chuckled. The water barely went past my boobs. It made me think of how many years I’d spent coming to this creek. How many memories lived in the trees around us, in the rocks at my feet.
“Come here, baby.”
Emmett lowered himself into the water, probably onto his knees if I had to guess, and when he was close enough, I wrapped my limbs around him, holding him close. “That’s better.” I smiled.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I needed this…and needed to get all of that off my chest.”
“If you ever want to talk more about it, I’m here.”
He nodded, glancing around, and in a snap movement, he dunked us. My yelp got swallowed up under the water. And when he pulled us back up past the surface, I sputtered, slickingmy hair back. His laughter carried through the air, and there was no way I could get mad about my hair getting wet, seeing him happy. “Emmett!” I shrieked, smacking at his chest, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“That’s for sending me the shower picture when I couldn’t do anything about it,” he scolded through a smile. “Do you know how inconvenient it is to sit with a hard-on next to one of your friends?”
I smirked, shrugging a shoulder. “Worth it.”
Then I swung my arm out, sending a wall of water into the side of his face. He shook the water out, curls dripping on his forehead. “Oh, Lilah, you shouldn’t have done that.” His voice was a decadent purr that sent chills pebbling along my skin. My pulse kicked, a lightness fluttering in my chest that spread through the rest of my body.
I backed up, giggling like a maniac, my feet slipping against the slick rock on the creek floor. “You have to catch me first.”
Emmett’s eyes flashed like a hunter who’d set his sights on his prey as he crept towards me. Before I knew it, he snatched me up and threw me like I weighed nothing, my screaming laughter carrying through the valley. I landed in the deepest part of the creek about five feet away, struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that he’d just done that with little effort.
“You sure they didn’t pump you full of some superhero juice overseas?” I swam back to him, drawn to him as if he were my gravity.
His laugh was low. Maybe even a little bashful. “No. This is all me and my insomnia.”
