“Embarrassment.” I study the fabric of my jeans. “I kissed my best friend. Without your consent I might add. I was too caught up in the excitement and reacted.”
“It wasn’t a bad kiss. If that makes you feel better.”
He really thinks that will make me feel better? It doesn’t. He’s basically saying the kiss was okay. Talk about a punch to the ego. Never in my life has anyone said kissing me was not bad.
“You sure know how to make a gal feel better.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” This time he studies his pants and pulls his hand free from mine. Things are definitely weird now.
“What did you mean, then?” There isn’t much he could say that would make me feel any better about the situation I’ve put us in.
“All I’m saying is I wasn’t opposed to the kiss.” His eyes meet mine and they are no longer full of sadness. Is that hope? “And I wouldn’t be if you did it again.”
Whoa…what? I must not have heard that right. He wouldn’t be opposed to kissing again? Not the words I was expecting to hear. Too bad it’s not a good idea.
“W-we probably shouldn’t.” I’m back to staring at the floor. It’s too much to look at him and see the possible disappointment. Even if I am flattered, he thinks I’m a good kisser. “We’re both caught up in the moment. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Lie. Probably the biggest one I’ve ever told myself. The kiss itself may not have been long and passionate, but it was perfect. He kissed me back, though.
“Piper, I know you’re my best friend and know me better than anyone else, but I’m gonna need you to not tell me how I feel.” He sighs, and even though I’m not looking at him, I know he’s running his hand through his hair. It’s what he does when he’s frustrated and trying to find the right words. “The kiss took me by surprise, but I’m not mad it happened. I’ve wanted it too, for so long.”
“What do you mean?” I wanted to ask how long, but I’m not sure I want the answer to that.
“I mean, I think we’re both at an age where we can explore what would happen between us as more than friends.”
He’s not wrong in that aspect, but what if it ruins everything between us. I cannot lose him as my best friend. He’s the only person who completely understands me. Not even my siblings can say that.
Now, I do look at him. I want to see his reaction to what I’m about to say.
“I think we should keep things on the friend level. I love you, Beau, but I don’t want anything to change for us. You are the one constant in my life, and I can’t lose that. Who else would I turn to when shit hits the fan at the winery? And who would you seek out when your annoying coworker won’t stop breathingover you. If we were to see how we do as a couple, and things go south, we lose each other completely. I can’t live with that.”
Shockingly, he doesn’t look upset. More resigned, like he knew what I was going to say. I may try new things when it comes to my job, but I can’t risk that with him.
“I get it.” He nods and leans back against the cushion. I thought he would put up a fight. “But…when you’re ready to take that leap, I’ll be here.”
“How do you know I’ll ever reach that point?”
“Who knows you better than anyone? Me. That kiss meant something.” He points to my mouth. “Whether you want to admit it or not. And I’m good at waiting.”
Well, he’s becoming awfully cocky. I’m not sure how I feel about that. “Whatever you say. Let’s finish eating and watch a movie.”
“I know.” He taps his finger to his forehead. Ugh, he can be so annoying. “What do you want to watch?”
The way he can flip from serious conversation to fun has always astounded me. I’ll be replaying this entire conversation for days and overthinking it because that’s what I do. I may have a go-getter attitude on the outside, but I always second guess what I do.
“It doesn’t matter to me. Pick something we haven’t seen before.”
He picks a movie I’ve never heard of and we settle into the movie. I don’t even know what genre it is, but I guess we’re about to find out.
This feels comfortable. Him beside me on his sofa watching a movie. We spent so many of our nights in high school just like this. Neither one of us could be bothered to go out and party with the rest of our classmates. We didn’t need to. We had each other. If I take things further than friendship with him, we could losenights like tonight. I know I’ve made the right decision. At least, I hope I did.
Parker’s truck is sitting in my driveway when I pull in. This can’t be good. The evening already started off rocky, even if Beau made it fine by the end of the night.
He walked me to my car like he normally does and waited until I left the driveway to go back inside. It felt the same and different. Like there was a charge in the air. I’m chalking it up to my impromptu kiss. That’s the only explanation. And the fact he admitted he has feelings for me. I can’t act on my own though. Anytime I try to take on something big lately, it’s blown up in my face and I can’t have it happen with him.
My brother is clearly here for a reason, and I need to push away any thoughts about Beau. I park my car and step out after turning it off. “How did you know I was on my way home?”
“We have that tracking app. I saw you were leaving Beau’s and figured I’d meet you here.” He grins to hide whatever it is that has him concerned.
