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“Are you sure? You are engaged, after all?”
I roll my eyes. “I can handle it.”
“It would depend on how much I want to make her come,” he says.
My eyes go wide. My heart pounds. My breathing stops. I try to formulate a response. Something to remind him I am engaged, that I am not the kind of girl who cheats on her fiancé. Something to convince him I don't want him to make me come, that I don't want his hands or mouth or cock anywhere near my body.
But all I say is, “Oh.”
“Don't worry, Alyssa. When I want to fuck you, I'll ask nicely.”
When. He said when. Not if. When. When he wants to fuck me. So he will, but he doesn't want to yet, or he isn't ready yet, or he doesn't think I'll say yes yet.
Of course I won't say yes.
I am engaged.
And I love Ryan.
Don't I?
Chapter 6
Corine calls at exactly 6:03. “Are you sitting down?” she asks.
“Just tell me,” I say.
She takes a long breath. “They want you.”
“What?”
“You're their first choice for Marie Jane.”
“You better not be fucking with me,” I say.
I close my eyes and open them, expecting to wake up from some daydream, but I am still in the living room, in front of the wall of windows. This is really happening.
“The showrunner wants to meet you this weekend,” Corine says. “Then they'll do a chemistry read, send over the contract, and make everything official. They start shooting a week from Monday.”
“When do they need an answer?”
“Alyssa, if you call me back with a no, I swear I'll kill you.”
“I have to talk to Ryan.”
“If he says no, fuck him. You can buy a new Ryan with all the money you'll make from this show.”
“It will be a yes.” I'll get him to say yes. I'll definitely get him to say yes.
I pace around the apartment, trying to think of a strategy, trying to think of anything other than Luke asking me to fuck him. I never should have used him as a trigger. I never should have allowed myself to entertain the idea of my hands on his body, however amazing his body is.
I have to get those ideas out of my head. Now.
Ryan was receptive this morning. He was considering it. If I can convince him it's a good idea, that I deserve it, that taking this role would make me a better person, a better fiancée…
I'll be less annoying. I won't miss him all day, or interrupt his work with random texts, or pounce on him in a fit of neediness the second he gets home. Aren't men always complaining about women being too needy? I can have that healthy work/life balance I hear so much about.
I run the shower until the bathroom floods with steam. It's hot, so hot it will scorch every part of my skin, especially the parts that tingled when Luke touched them.
