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Luke laughs, and I can practically see his eyes light up. “I'll see you soon,” he says and hangs up. I feel my phone slip out of my hands, onto my lap. When did my palms get so sweaty? When did my heart start beating so quickly? I need to start the car, to pull out of this parking spot, to take the streets back to Marina Del Rey.
The bookstore is across the street from Luke's apartment. But it's my apartment too, isn't it? It's not as if I suggested the location because it would be easy to slip in a quickie at Luke's place. I only want to talk.
***
Luke sits on the curb, reading his dog-eared paperback. Did he really wear that V-neck and jeans to work or did he change in his office again?
He slips his paperback into his back pocket and pushes himself up. His hand brushes my lower back as we enter the bookstore.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“It's nothing I can't handle on my own.”
“Part of having friends means you don't have to handle things on your own.”
“We're friends?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Is that what the kids are calling it?”
I expect him to laugh, but, instead, he looks at me, his coffee-colored eyes full of concern. I feel his fingertips on my skin. I am incredibly aware of the sound of my breath. I am incredibly aware that we are in a quiet bookstore, that it would be inappropriate to touch him. I am incredibly aware that I am not wearing my engagement ring.
“Listen, Alyssa, I meant what I said last night. If my choice is revenge fuck or nothing, I'll be your revenge fuck. I understand if you want a fling before you get married. I hope that isn't the case, but I understand, and I'm more than willing to be used if I get what I want out of it.”
“And what is it you want?”
“Don't get all naïve on me now.”
“So you don't care what happens between us as long as you get laid?” The idea shouldn't annoy me—I am engaged—but it does. Is Luke using me? Is he acting friendly and interested just to get in my pants?
“Would that bother you?”
“How could that possibly bother me?” My voice rises. I look around the aisles. It's so quiet here. I am sure the people on the second floor heard me. Deep breath. I need to calm down. I will not get upset over Luke and certainly not over whether or not Luke and I will have a relationship. We can't have a relationship. Can we?
“You do like to remind me that you're engaged,” he says.
“I am.”
“What am I supposed to think? You're engaged, maybe you're not happy, but you're happy to be engaged.”
“I wouldn't say that.”
“It's fine. You don't have to spare my feelings if you want a couple of fun weeks. We'll both enjoy ourselves and you'll have something to think about at night after your husband fails to satisfy you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Come on, Alyssa. Isn't that you want?”
“Fuck you!” I practically scream it. “Oh, fuck,” I say, covering my mouth. I start to laugh. God, how do I make such a fool out of myself so easily? How does Luke get a rise out of me so easily?
“I've never been kicked out of a bookstore before, but if you really want me to fuck you here, I will.” He smirks, and the tension between us eases a bit.
“I've only known you a few days,” I say.
“True.”
“And I barely know anything about you.”
