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She shrugs. "You get jealous."
"I used up all my Samantha jealousy during that whole Edward debacle," I say.
"Still... I'd understand if you weren't totally over it. I was surprised when I heard about Alyssa." She says Alyssa like it's something bitter. A bad aftertaste in her coffee. But then she looks at me and smiles. "You deserve to be happy, Luke."
"Are you jealous?"
"I left you, remember?"
And when that didn't work as well as she'd have liked, she tried to leave me permanently.
I open my eyes and Alyssa is staring at me. Her expression is soft.
Her fingers graze my cheek. "Are you okay?"
I don't move. I don't say anything. I can't even think.
"Luke..." Alyssa is so worried.
I know she's worried. She wants me to say something. She wants me to reassure her that I am not concerned with Samantha.
Alyssa is here, and she's mine.
"Luke..." She says it again. It's gentle and sweet. She sits next to me and presses her palm into mine. "Samantha?"
I nod.
"Is she going to be okay?"
That's what he said. She's expected to make a full recovery.
"Maybe," I say. My keys are on the dresser. It's past midnight. If I leave now, I'll be there by three a.m. There shouldn't be any traffic. The fucking 405 is probably closed until Wilshire, or some other annoying bullshit, but there shouldn't be any traffic.
"Luke, talk to me."
It's Alyssa, my Alyssa, but her words feel so hollow. It's not like she wants me to talk about Samantha. At best, she tolerates our friendship. And I can't bring myself to burden her with this.
It's not Alyssa's battle. It's mine.
"Are you okay?" She wraps her arms around me. Her cheek presses against mine.
It's warm, but not the way it was a few minutes ago. I can't feel her or hear her or smell her. There is nothing here, in this room, except the horrible, horrible blackness.
Samantha did it again.
"I'm fine," I say.
"And I thought it would be easy being the one on offense for once." She almost smiles, but her eyes are sad.
"I have to go. I have to help her."
"It's midnight."
"So?"
She looks away, out the window, as the blackness engulfs the front yard. It's so silent, I can hear every inhale and exhale. I can hear my heart beat. I can hear the wind rustling the rosebushes.
Alyssa bites her lip. Her eyes get so sad, but she doesn't say anything. I can't do this to her.
