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"That's okay," she says.
"Do you want me to stay?" I ask.
"Of course I want you to stay. But it's a selfish want. I want you here with me, close, so I don't have to imagine Samantha throwing herself at you."
"It's not like that."
"Maybe not, but I'm still going to imagine it." She picks her boxers off the floor and slides them over her legs. "Go. You'll hate yourself if you don't."
"You know this has nothing to do with you."
"Exactly," she says.
"Alyssa..."
"It's okay, Luke, I get it." I can practically hear her implication that I care more about Samantha's feelings. Or maybe that I care more about saving Samantha than I do about loving Alyssa.
"If you need me to stay, I can stay."
"Why isn't it enough for me to want my boyfriend around? Why does your presence have to be the only thing between me and falling apart?"
"Alyssa..."
"How many times do I have to say it? I understand. You'll hate yourself if you don't help her now. I'm not going to pretend to like it, but I'm not going to stop you."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
She nods. "I get it, I do. She needs you a lot right now. I just hope that, sometime in the very near future, she isn't going to need you so much."
"I'll be back soon."
"How soon?" she asks.
"By the weekend." It sounds like an eternity, but it's doable. I reach for her hand, pulling her close. "I love you."
She pulls the covers over her head. "I love you too," she says.
I kiss her goodbye, but she doesn't look at me. She just stares out the window, at the quiet street outside.
***
The freeway is a blur as the sun rises over Southern California. It's too early for traffic. It's too early to be on the road.
Hell, I arrive hours before the hospital opens to visitors. It's too early to find an open coffee shop in Santa Barbara. I'm stuck with a twenty-four-hour diner and shitty Lipton tea.
There's no way I'm making any of the meetings I scheduled for today. It kills me, but I need Ryan's help.
I pull out my laptop and attempt my most ass kissing, let's be friends, I'll absolutely sell you my share of the business email.
Ryan,
I have a personal emergency and there's no way I can make it into work today or tomorrow. I'll reschedule my 11:00, but I need you to take my 3:00. Your calendar says you're free. It should be an easy meeting--everyone is ready to sign on the dotted line. I'm sure you'll make our client very happy.
Luke
The shameless pandering will remind him how brilliant he is.
He responds thirty minutes later. Of course, Ryan is awake already. Hell, he's probably in the office already, trying to figure out more ways to push me out of the company.
