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CHAPTER NINETEEN
Alyssa and I enjoy almost a week of normalcy. She spends every night at my place. We do nothing of consequence. We read by the pool or watch TV on the couch or play cards in the kitchen. It's a perfect picture of what our life together could be.
We touch and kiss and hug and fuck everywhere in the house. Now that I know I'm losing it, I want to mark every inch of it as ours. I make her come in every spot where such an act is conceivable--the breakfast table, the kitchen counters, the desk, the pool. Every floor and wall in that house must be ours.
Everything is easy until Friday night. She sits on the
couch, her arms curled around a pillow, her attention on the floor.
She shakes her head. "I don't know if I can do the food challenge tomorrow."
"You can do it."
She looks at me for a while. "Are you sure you can handle it?"
"Yes."
"And you won't get upset if I start freaking out?"
"I promise."
"Or if I want to use you as a distraction."
"You'll be thoroughly distracted."
She bites her lip, digging her nails into the pillow. "Things are good right now. I don't want to ruin that."
"Things will stay good."
"What if you freak out?"
I sit next to her. "I won't."
Her eyes are glued to mine. Like she's studying me. "But what if it's too much and you lose all the respect you have for me?"
"Impossible."
She looks back at the floor. "Okay. We'll do it tomorrow. After dinner."
"You okay?"
She nods but her eyes stay on the floor. "I'm going to hang out in the spare room for a while."
She offers me a quick smile and recedes into the spare room, her room. Her room for another few weeks at least.
***
The morning is easy. We drink cup after cup of tea and coffee. We spend hours watching TV on the couch. We eat lunch in the backyard.
But something changes in the afternoon. Alyssa is a nervous wreck. She paces around the pool, her eyes on the concrete.
"How about a walk?" I offer.
She nods, but her attention stays on the ground. I'd love to grab her and pin her to the couch to thoroughly distract her, but that is only going to make things harder.
She collects her shoes and purse and we make our way to the marina. It's a nice day. Warm and sunny.
But Alyssa is obviously uncomfortable. She walks fast, clutching her purse like it's a lifesaver. I give her space. I'm going to do everything I can to make it easier.
