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"Two lessons in one. How could I get so lucky?"
She presses her hand against my chest, pushing gently. "You better watch what you say."
"I wouldn't want to insult a depressing play."
"Ha ha." She smiles.
A bit of tension releases. Then her eyes turn to the box of cookies in her hand and all the joy drops off her face.
"You want to get home?" I ask.
She nods.
She's white as a ghost at the checkout. And she stays quiet the entire walk back to my place. It's not until we're inside that she finally looks at me.
Her eyes are wide. Anxious. "This isn't going to be easy."
I nod.
"I might get upset. I might yell at you or try and run off. But it's not personal."
Her eyes connect with mine. She's still so scared, but I'm going to do whatever I can to help her.
"Do you want to talk about it at all?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "Let's just do it."
"How does it work?"
"I eat the cookie. It sounds so simple, but it's not."
She's already starting to freak out. I can see it on her face. I reach for her, but she's receding further and further into herself.
"Ally, you need to try and stay here with me, okay?"
She nods. "I'll try."
She sits at the kitchen table, a serious look on her face. Those thoughts of hers are lying to her again, telling her she's a failure, telling her she's not good enough.
"I love you," I tell her. "No matter what."
I place the box on the table and sit across from her. She stares at it like it's something horrible.
"I can't do it." She presses her fingernails into her palm.
"Why not?"
"I'll be a pathetic failure if I eat one of those stupid fucking cookies. I can't do it." Her eyes are glued to the box. "But I have to. It's too exhausting to stay like this."
She looks to me for confirmation. I nod. We can get through this together.
She opens the box and pulls out the plastic tray. There are a dozen tiny cookies in it. She stares at them, studying them carefully.
"How many do you want?" I ask.
"Two." She swallows hard.
I take two cookies from the plastic and place them on the table.
