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"You can."
She pushes off the table. "I'm sorry, Luke, but I can't talk right now. I have to... I can't think."
I grab her arm. "I only have one duty and it's babysitting. You can yell at me if you want. You can hit me. You can spend three hours describing Ryan's sexual prowess. But you are not going anywhere."
She shakes her head. "I can't stay here."
"So we'll go somewhere together."
She shakes her head. She's fighting it. She's drifting back to that other world, but she's fighting it. "Okay." She bites her lip. "Anywhere. Take me anywhere else."
I walk her to my car and I take Lincoln until it turns into Pacific Coast Highway, until we're far into the curves of Malibu. Alyssa is quiet the entire drive. Sh
e leans against the window hugging her seat belt. She takes my hand, but her grip is weak. She's still trapped in her head. And it's still lying to her.
I hate seeing her like this. I hate her being far away from me. I hate her hurting. But I have to focus on what she needs.
I park on the edge of the highway and walk her down to the beach. We sit on the sand, her attention still slipping away. She's a little calmer, but she's still not here.
I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. "I love you, Ally. No matter what."
She doesn't say anything, but she nods, and squeezes me tighter. We stay like that for a long time, our breath and heartbeats blending into the soft roar of waves crashing on the beach.
She calms slowly, attention returning to her face bit by bit. She's fighting her urge to pull away, fighting hard. I have to be careful. I can't push her. Not now. It would ruin everything.
She shakes her head, bringing her gaze to the sand. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"You'd probably be better off with someone normal."
"I don't care. I want you."
The sun sets over the horizon, a violent burst of red bleeding into the blue sky.
Alyssa shakes her head. "I took your entire afternoon."
"I'll tell you a million times if I have to. I'd rather be with you than be anywhere else."
"Okay." She looks to the ocean. Watches the waves pound the sand.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head. "Not right now. I'm still..."
"Processing?"
She nods.
"I'll be here as long as you need me. I promise."
"Even if I relapse and need to go back to treatment?"
I nod. "No matter what."
She turns her gaze back to me. There's so much need in her eyes. So much desperation. She's never had anyone to count on. Not like this.
I swallow the hurt that bubbles up in my chest. She won't have to feel like that anymore. She won't have to be alone anymore.
