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I move closer to her, but she pushes me away. Harder this time.
"Don't tell me how I'll feel."
"Okay, you tell me."
Tears roll down her cheeks. She hugs her knees into her chest. Digs her nails into her shins. "You really did give up on me, didn't you?"
"Of course not."
I reach for her. This time she doesn't push me away. I rub her shoulders. Brush her hair back behind her ears. Her eyes are still on the floor. Her nails are still digging into her shins.
"Then why don't you... why do you want to break up with me?"
"I don't."
"But you are anyway?"
My heart sinks. It's a horrifying thought. I love Alyssa. I need to be with her, all the time, doing everything I can to make her life bliss.
But, whatever she needs, I'm not giving it to her. She's not happy. She's distant, she's angry, she's miserable. I'm making her miserable.
She meets my gaze. Her eyes are red and filled with tears. More tears I caused.
"I'm not going to be another person who drags you down," I say.
She shakes her head, squeezing her knees tighter. "You're not. Please, Luke. I love you. I love you so much. You make me so happy."
"You're crying."
"We're going through a rough patch. It will get better."
"How?"
She looks back at the floor. Damn. I was hoping she had the secret answer. The one little thing that would make all this easier.
I wrap my hands around her wrists and pry them off
her shins. She resists for a moment, but she's quickly putty in my hands. She lowers her knees, shifting into me so that I can wrap my arms around her.
The feel of her body against mine is still magic.
I bite my tongue. This hurts so fucking bad, but I can't fight it. She deserves better than settling. I have to be strong for her. I have to take the brunt of this.
"Please." Her voice cracks. It's weak and desperate.
I can't do this to her. I can't break her heart.
She presses her palms against my back. It's so warm, so sweet, so demanding. I can't drag this out. It will only hurt her more.
"You never answered the question," I say.
She doesn't say anything. She just rests her head against my chest, hugging me tighter. Her body is so soft against mine, so desperate, so willing. I'm tempted to take her to the bedroom, to do everything I can to wipe this pain away.
But it will only hurt worse.
"I love you," she says.
"But you don't want to marry me." The words are acid in my throat. But it's the truth. It's the only possible conclusion.
