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"Which thing?"
"About my cock being bigger than Ryan's?"
She laughs. "You really want to know?"
"I already know I'm better than he is."
She shakes her head. "No, the knowledge will either crush you or go to your head. You can't be trusted."
I run my fingers over her chin and tilt her head towards me, until we're eye to eye. She holds my gaze for a moment, but she breaks into a fit of giggles, her eyes squeezing closed.
"I'll never tell," she says.
I run my fingers over her bare stomach. "You've never told me if you're ticklish."
"Don't even think about it."
I slide my fingers over her skin. "I'm thinking about it."
She presses her palms against my shoulders, pushing me flat on the bed. "Your ego is big enough already."
"So I am bigger."
"I've said too much," she says. She shifts back onto the bed.
"How much bigger would you say?"
I push the covers off her and look into her clear, blue eyes. She's happy. I'm going to keep her like this.
"Maybe... twenty percent," she says.
"Oh yeah?"
"Shut up, Luke."
I wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly.
We're together again. We can make it through anything, even the horrible wall of distance that's grown between us.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Alyssa
My last performance is completely overwhelming. Part of me is begging to move on to anything new. I've recited the same lines, ten times a week, for six months now. It's about time get the hell out.
But another part of me is terrified to say good-bye. As long as I'm here, I get to reset every day. Blanche isn't sentenced to a terrible life in a cruel mental asylum. She gets to start fresh.
I know the lines so well, know every emotional beat, every little bit of nuance. I take my last chance to lose myself in my character, to really disappear.
I don't snap out of it until I'm bowing on stage, my hand glued firmly to Ellen's. The stage lights shine in my eyes so brightly I can barely make out anything. And the applause is so loud, I can't even hear myself breathe.
It's over. The last of this is over. In the blink of an eye, I'll be back to normal life. Back at the house, in Santa Monica, with Luke.
Exactly what I've wanted for the last six months.
Ellen whispers in my ear on the way off the stage. "You're coming out for shots tonight, right?"
I nod. This is my last chance to see Ellen, my last night in New York. I'm not going to spend it wondering what everything means.
