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There's no malice in his expression. No sign he's after hurting Nick. No clue as to what he's after, actually.
"I'm not sure why you want to meet with me." I cross my legs. "What could I possibly have to do with you selling Nick's company?"
"It's our company. We grew it together." Shepard shifts like he's fighting a frown. "You must care about him to meet me here."
"Yes."
"Do you love him?"
My cheeks flush. It's like it's national Ask Lizzy if She's in Love Day.
I look back to Shepard. "Yes, I do."
He frowns with sympathy. "This isn't personal. I'm not trying to hurt you."
I don't like the sound of that.
"I'd like you to break up with Nick."
My stomach twists. "Are you trying to hurt him?"
"That isn't my priority."
"Is it about money?"
He stares back at me, totally unreadable. "If there's something you want more than me backing off the sale—money, another job, information you can use for leverage—"
"No. I want you to back off the sale. Nick is miserable over this. I..." I don't want to share my feelings with someone who is so blasé with other people's, but I can't have everything on my chest. "I can't lose him to this."
"Then leave him."
I can't lose him like that either. My body goes cold. "At least tell me what you get out of me leaving Nick."
"Look at it this way. If he loves you, he'll fight to get you back. You'll make up and be happy."
"And you'll get...?"
"What I want."
"Which is?"
His expression hardens. "Jasmine."
"How will this get you Jasmine?"
"I need to know if he loves her. If she loves him."
"She loves you. She practically told him that."
"Words are cheap. I need to see what she does. What he does. Letting her leave was the worst mistake of my life. I'll do whatever it takes to win her back, no matter what you or anyone else suggests." He stares back at me. "I hope that Nick really does love you. That he fights for you and you end up happy together."
"Because it will be easier for you to get what you want?"
"Yes. And because he's my brother. I do care about his happiness."
"But not as much as you care about her?"
He doesn't blink. "I care about her more than I care about anything."
"I believe him when he tells me he never touched Jasmine. And he doesn't look at her like he's ever wanted her."
Shepard's expression fills with frustration. "I'm sure you're a lovely person, but we're not friends. This is a business arrangement."
"Fine." It's not like I want someone like Shepard as a friend. "What are the terms?"
"Break up with Nick. You have until the end of the weekend. If you do, I'll step off the sale on Monday."
"What if he fights me?"
"Fight back."
"What about him fighting for me?"
"Make him work for it. Give it two weeks. If he's still fighting, do what you want. I'll call off the sale as soon as I get word it's over."
I bite my lip.
It makes sense... in a twisted kind of way.
He wants to know if Jasmine loves Nick. If she'll run to him as soon as he's available. Or if he'll seek comfort in her.
But what if he's right?
What if Nick wants to fuck his way out of his pain with the closest available woman?
He might not forgive me for this.
He might not fight.
I might not get him back.
"How do I know I can trust you?" I ask.
"You don't have another option."
He's right. I'm stuck. And I'm a pawn. It's awful.
"If I don't hear from you by start of the day on Monday, I'll assume you decided not to do it, and I'll sell."
"Doesn't the money you could make mean something to you?" I ask.
"You have my number." He slides out of his seat and offers his hand to shake. "It's your decision."
I shake his hand with a weak grip.
The world goes cold as I watch him leave. It's my decision. Either I leave Nick, or he loses his company. And I lose him.
It takes ten minutes for me to regain my breath. I can't stomach another cab ride.
I take the subway to Kat and Blake's place.
When the doorman assures me that they aren't home, and thus aren't fucking on the couch, I let myself in.
Sure enough, the penthouse is empty. That beautiful blue New York light streams through the windows.
Even that is ugly.
I'm numb all over. My thoughts are in messy squiggles, so far from the straight lines I need to figure out what to do.
A hot bath does nothing to wake my senses. I wipe off my makeup and climb into the empty spare room.
There are pajamas somewhere, but I can't bother. I pull the blanket over my head and press my eyelids together.
There's no way out.
No matter what I do, I lose Nick.
Chapter Thirty
It's too bright in here. It should be illegal for fluorescent lights to be so bright.
My head is pounding. From the hangover or the misery, I'm not sure. No matter what I do, I lose Nick.
It hurts to think. Hell, it hurts to breathe.
There's a knock on the bedroom door. It's followed by a soft voice.
"Hey, Lizzy. You up?" Kat asks.
"I am now." I throw the comforter over my head, inspecting my cocktail dress.
There's no time to change or make up a believable cover story.
Kat enters the room with a glass of water. She sits on the bed and hands me the drink. "Want to tell me what's going on?"
"I went out with Sarah and felt like coming here."
She opens her palm to reveal two ibuprofen. "Want to try again?"
"I wanted to see you, but you were out."
Despite the doubt in her expression, she hands over the pills. I swallow them and down all the water. The pounding in my head lessens by three percent. It's enough to motivate me to find my glasses and drag my heels to the kitchen.
According to the microwave, it's almost noon.
Kat pours and fixes two mugs of coffee. "You have ten messages from Nick. Does that have anything to do with your appearance here?"
"My phone was off last night."
She pushes my drink across the counter. "Sue me. I was worried. I've been caught up with wedding stuff and we haven't talked much."
"Two weeks from tomorrow."
She nods. "Not going to distract me." She sips her drink. "What happened?"
The squiggly thoughts in my brain straighten out. It's bright. I have coffee. I can think clearly, even with the pounding in my head.
There's really no decision here.
Nick loves the company more than anything. More than he'll ever love me.
I stare at my coffee. It's dark and deep, like Nick's eyes.
There's a pang in my chest. This is going to hurt so fucking bad, but it's the only thing that makes sense.
I look back to Kat. "I have to break up with Nick."
"Why?"
I struggle to find an explanation that won't give anything away. "He's in love with his job."
"So?"
"So? Didn't you break up with Blake because he was in love with his job, and he didn't love you or something like that?"
"Technically." She points to her engagement ring. "But I did give him another chance."
"He got lucky. You're forgiving."
"What about your internship?"
"I'll find another one."
"You're only halfway through the semester. What about school?"
"I don't know." I press my fingers into my mug. "Maybe... I wasn't learning anything. Maybe school isn't right for me."
"Elizabeth Marie Wilder! You are not dropping out of college because a guy broke your heart."
"It's not because of a guy. It's becaus
e the classes are worthless. I'm better off getting a junior programmer job somewhere. I'll learn more."
"I don't believe you."
I stare into my coffee, willing some kind of contentment to form in my expression. It's all true. I was thinking about skipping college for an internship before I got that scholarship to Stanford.
"Blake's gotten better about work. Maybe Nick can—"
I stare her down. "Why do you care anyway?"
"You were happy last time you talked about him. I want you to be happy."
I study her expression. There's something she's not telling me. I'm sure of it.
"Is that all?" I ask.
"He sounded so worried about you, Lizzy. Like he really loves you."
"When did he sound worried?"
She blushes, embarrassed. "I might have listened to his voicemails."
"Snooping brat."
