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"I'll be at the show in Chicago. Until then." He nods goodbye to me and to Ethan, then he turns and hightails it out of the bar.
Ethan and Mal stay planted in their seats. Neither one of them is going after him. Is that good sense to let Joel cool off, is it cowardice, is it something else entirely?
I don't know and I don't feel right being part of this conversation. It's like I'm a member of the family. Like everyone expects me to stick around. Like everyone expects me and Ethan to be together forever.
That isn't going to happen.
Fuck, I'm so fucking bad at this whole pulling back thing. I need to move. Now.
"Excuse me." With my next swig, I finish my drink. "This isn't any of my business. I'll leave you two to talk about it. Alone."
Ethan's blue eyes meet mine. He strokes the space between my thumb and forefinger with his thumb. "Stay."
I shake my head. I have about one minute of calm left in me. I'm terrified of the intensity of my feelings for him. "It's really none of my business. You two should work it out." Thankfully, this is a wide booth. I barely manage to squeeze past Ethan. "I'll see you later."
"Yeah, later." Mal nods goodbye before Ethan has a chance to respond.
If I look into Ethan's eyes, I'm going to stay. I'm going to melt and do whatever it takes to make him smile.
Deep breath.
As quickly as I can, I turn and make my way to the exit.
Chapter 25
Violet
The hotel is around the corner from the bar, but I don't want to be there. After spending twelve hours on a bus, I want to be outside.
I take in the quiet conversations as I walk. There's a family celebrating a birthday at a diner. There are two women at a coffee shop, trading gossip over oversized mugs of tea. There's another bar with country music blaring.
The empty grass field just past the church calls my name. Even though it's freezing, I lay on my back and stare up at the dark sky. The silver moon hangs low. The stars shine bright. There are so many stars, more than I've ever seen before.
In New York, there's so much light pollution that I can't see the stars. Here, they're bright and brilliant. I catch a shooting star, press my eyelids together, and wish for clarity.
It's quiet here. The only sound is the breeze rustling the grass and the roar of a TV across the street. Every few minutes, I can hear footsteps or a passing car.
There are footsteps now. And they're getting louder, getting closer.
I don't have to look up to know that's Ethan. I can feel it in the way the air gets sharp and electric.
He lays on the ground next to me. "Hey."
"Hey."
"You're avoiding me, aren't you?"
Yes, but I'm not ready to admit it. "Did you and Mal talk?"
"Not really. There's no talking sense to Mal. He's wants to protect the band."
"And you."
"Yeah." Ethan runs his fingers over the back of my hand. "Big brother thing, I guess."
"Yeah." I soak in the warmth of Ethan's touch. It feels good, just being near him. I want more of him, more of this. "Do you think Kit took the money?"
"Maybe. He wasn't a good version of himself when he was using."
