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We joke about a mutual professor (turns out marketing majors take tons of math classes) for the rest of the ride. When we get off the subway downtown, I focus on the spectacular skyscrapers, the yellow taxicabs, the crisp smell of the air, the deep blue of the Hudson River.
It's beautiful here too, but it will never feel like home.
Despite everything I hate about Orange County—the superficiality, the commercialism, the strip malls on every corner—it feels like home.
Maybe even without Ethan.
My thoughts fall aside as Athena grabs my wrist. "Careful, that cab almost mowed you down"
Sure enough, there's a honking horn echoing through the air. I take a better look at my surroundings. It's too early for rush hour.
Still, I pay attention to my steps as Athena leads me. After a few more blocks, we enter a totally nondescript bar.
It's just as average inside. The walls and furnishings are all wood. There's a small stage set up with cheap-looking instruments for a four- or five-piece band.
"Please tell me we aren't watching a live show," I say. "I'm not in the mood for a concert."
"There may be music, yes." She points me to a seat in front of the stage. "There may be men taking off their clothes. There may be revelations. There may be secrets."
I throw her some serious side eye as I take my seat.
She smiles. "If you don't like it, I'll buy you an entire cake."
"From that place across the street?"
"Let me guess: matcha and lemon?"
"What else?"
She nods. "Hope you like it. Those cakes are nearly a hundred bucks." She motions for me to sit. When I do, she goes to the bar and orders drinks.
I rest my elbows on the table. Then my arms, my hands, my head. I'm tired and I still have a million and one emotions running through me.
It's going to hurt less one day. I'm going to not miss him one day. But I'm not sure that I'm ever going to love anyone the way I love Ethan. Not any day. Not ever.
Athena returns with a vodka soda for me and a whiskey sour for her. "Ethan said Thanks. If you're wondering about his texts. To be more exact he said: Thanks, I'm going to do my best to win over the audience."
"He doesn't need any help with that."
"I suggested he strip if he has trouble."
I glare at her. "You did not."
"All the way to buck naked." She smiles. "He seemed on board."
"Athena, you did not!"
She laughs. "I did not."
There's something about the look on her face. She's got something up her sleeve. I'm not sure what it is. I trust her, but I don't like surprises.
I take a long sip of my vodka soda. It's the top shelf stuff, clean and crisp. With my next two sips, I finish the drink.
"You want another?" she asks. "Drinks are on me today."
"No. This is enough. If I get drunk, I'll start crying and I'll call him and God knows what I'll say."
"I won't let you have your phone back."
