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He was already cold.
He was already gone.
I sink to my heels and let the water pound my back. Asher was my twin brother. I should have known he needed help. I should have listened. I should have seen the signs.
How could I fail him like that?
How could he do that to me? He knew our parents were away that weekend. He knew I'd be the one to find him.
A sob rises up in my throat. But it's okay. There's no one here. I can cry until my tear ducts are empty.
I pull my legs into my chest and bury my head between my knees.
There's a voice in my room. The water is muffling it but there's no doubt that's a voice.
Shit.
"Violet."
That's Ethan.
I pull my knees closer. He shouldn't see me like this. No one should see me like this. I should tell him to go away. I should throw the nearest object at the door to scare him off.
But I don't want to.
I don't want him to go.
I want him here. I want the comfort of his arms around me. I want to spill all the messy details until someone understands.
No, until Ethan understands.
He pushes the bathroom door open. His eye corners turn down. His expression fills with concern.
"Vi." He pulls the shower door open and steps inside. Water pounds his head and chest, soaking his t-shirt. He kneels next to me.
"You should go," I whisper.
He pulls me into his arms.
"You're getting wet."
"I like getting wet with you." He cups the back of my head with his hand.
I rest my head on his chest. "I don't want you to go."
"I know." He runs his fingers through my wet hair and pulls me closer. "Asher?"
I nod. "I… I found him in the bathtub. He'd slit his wrists. There was all this blood. I didn't know the human body had that much blood." Tears roll down my cheeks. "I should have known he was hurting like that… I was supposed to protect him."
"It's okay, Vi." He wipes the tears from my cheeks. "You couldn't have stopped him."
I shake my head. "I should have known he was hurting. He was always so exhausted. He was always talking about how he didn't know how he'd keep up his practice schedule. I should have done something."
He pulls me closer.
"I was supposed to protect him."
"I know it hurts, honey. I know it feels like it was your fault, but it wasn't. He was an adult. He knew he could give up piano. He was a smart guy. He had options. Your parents would have supported him. And I know you'd have helped him too. You'd have done anything for Asher." His blue eyes fill with understanding. "I know it doesn't help, me telling you it wasn't your fault. But it wasn't, Vi. You were a good sister."
