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My eyes go to the clock. We're into evening now. That buys me something. I try to keep my voice steady, so I won't give away how terrified I am of my feelings for him. "Don't you have to go to the sound check?"
"Mal's going to fill in for me."
"At the show?"
"No." He runs his fingers through my hair. "He would, but he can't play rhythm and lead at the same time."
"Oh." My attempts to breathe steadily aren't working. Ethan is staying with me instead of going to the sound check. That's not like him.
No, it's only a sound check. It's not like he's skipping the show or even practice. There's no reason why he has to be at the sound check.
It doesn't mean anything.
He presses his palm against my shoulder. "I have another few hours." His lips hover over my ear. "I can go if you want to be alone."
I play with the threads of the towel. I don't want to be alone. Not now, not later, not when I get back to New York.
But I only get Ethan now. I can't get ideas about later.
Later isn't happening.
I need to move this back to sex and fun or my ideas about later are going to build to engagement rings, ivory dresses, and frolicking on the beach in Hawaii.
"No, stay." I peel my towel off and toss it aside. "I want you here." I take his hand and place it on my stomach.
A soft groan escapes his lips. He pulls me closer. He shifts his hips to press his crotch against my ass.
I grind against him until I feel him hardening.
He's hesitant. Hard to blame him. This really isn't the time. He should be holding me, stroking my hair, and whispering that it's going to be okay.
My eyelids press together. I want Ethan holding me, stroking my hair, and whispering that it's going to be okay. I want him whispering I love you, Violet. I want him making plans with me. I want us making plans together. I want us to be a team again.
I can't have that.
But I can have this.
He slides his arms around my shoulders to turn me around. He stares into my eyes, picking apart my intentions. Is it obvious that I'm running from my feelings again?
It must be.
He runs his fingers over my cheek and jaw. "Vi…" He presses his forehead against mine.
"Please." I run my fingers through his hair. "I need you."
His stare is a challenge. Do you need me or do you need me to fuck you?
I wish I only needed sex. I wish I only wanted his body.
I'd never lie to Ethan. Never. Every word of this is the truth. "I need you, Ethan. I need you like I need oxygen."
"Vi…" He plants a soft, sweet kiss on my lips.
Damn, he tastes good. He's mercilessly slow about sliding his tongue into my mouth. He's still hesitant.
I do need him like I need oxygen.
All of him.
