It pins me in place with its icy-blue eyes, and they look so human it’s jarring. So jarring that a weird tingling starts at the bottom of my feet, spreading all over my body in seconds. Then, all I feel is agony. It’s like my skin is being pulled too tight over my bones, and someone is pouring boiling water over me at the same time.
I bite my tongue and all I taste is blood when I feel a bone cracking and then another and another until I’m writhing on the cold, damp forest floor. I’m blinded by red-hot pain as my gums burn and my nails extend into sharp claws. Thick fur pierces my skin, and my mouth is filled, all of a sudden, with razor-sharp teeth.
What is happening to me?
This is what dying must feel like.
Am I, am I turning into a wolf?
No, no, no.
¡Despiértate, Ava!
Wake the fuck up!
The problem is…I can’t wake up. The nightmare continues.
Blinking a few times, I turn my gaze toward the wolf that looks at me with its too-human eyes as if surprised, its head cocked to the side, auburn fur glittering in the moonlight. It’s all a blur as someone wearing a dark cloak steps next to the mangled bodies, collects the two hearts from the forest floor, and then disappears through the trees. The wolf takes another step toward me, but before I can panic, it stops. It lifts its snout in the air, sniffs, and changes its mind, turning around and running after the person wearing the cloak.
A very canine whimper leaves my chest as I step carefully toward Tony on all fours. The gruesome picture before me will forever be seared into my brain. I’m sure I’ll have nightmares to remember this cursed night by for many years to come. If not my whole life. That motherfucking wolf made a mockery of my dearfriend’s body. His face is frozen in a terrified wail, unmoving eyes staring at the star-studded sky. The neck is nothing more than a threadbare piece of meat. And the chest…God...the chest is the worst. Only a cavernous hole, from which the insides spill like a gurgling river of blood, painting the ground in violence. Still, I press my snout into his side.
C’mon, Tony. Please, please wake up!
Realistically, I know it’s impossible. He doesn’t even have a heart anymore, but my mind doesn’t seem to register that as I press my paw into what’s left of his arm, jolting his lifeless body.
A deep, powerful growl rumbles behind me, and I turn around just in time to see yet another gigantic wolf charging at me, fury flashing in its human-like honey eyes. Those eyes…I, I think I recognize them. I think this might be the world I’ve been dreaming about for the last four months.
Instinct takes over, and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m already running away at warp speed through the thick canopy of trees with the wolf at my back. My muscles scream in pain with the sheer effort; he’s so damn fast. It already feels like he’s been chasing me for an eternity, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep running.
Why is he doing this?
“You killed them,”someone growls back in my mind. It’s a voice I recognize, and I’m so shocked by it that I stop for a second before I realize my mistake and start running again.
Only it’s too late. The wolf barrels into my side, and we are a flurry of snapping jaws and flying limbs as we fall into a ravine, rolling and rolling until the back of my head smashes into something solid. Blackness takes over my vision.
18
Logan
Amonth. A fucking month since I last saw Ava, and I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep at night. Guilt is a living, breathing entity inside of me. It festers, eats at me, and claws at my mind. She’s gotten under my skin and imprinted herself in my brain. Every single day this past month, I’ve gotten into my car and sped to the city, only to return with my tail between my legs once I realized I promised myself I couldn’t walk that path again. I’m afraid that the moment I lay my eyes on her, I won’t be able to stop myself, and then everything I worked for my entire life will go up in flames. The clock is ticking, taunting me with its cruelty. I only have one more monthto find my fated mate, but all I can think about is Ava.
Not to mention that the dreams are back, and my mind is fucking with me. Last night, I dreamed of my fated mate for the first time in four months. The sense of complete and utter peace encompassed me, but then I woke up and realized the wolf I’d dreamed about wasn’t my mate. I dreamed of dark mocha fur with a tawny underbelly instead of golden. Pale topaz green eyes instead of sparkling azure. And now, I don’t know what’s real anymore and what’s not.
“Mornin’, sunshine.” My sister’s voice travels through the hallway before she saunters into my kitchen, stopping at the table where I’m sitting with a half-empty bottle of vodka in front of me since I woke up a few hours ago. Her perfectly arched eyebrows furrow when she takes in my disheveled state. “It’s a bit early for hard liquor, don’t you think?” Her tone is condescending, judging.
“Hey, sis,” I mutter. “Nice to see you too.” I take another swig from the tumbler, welcoming the burn that comes with it. The warmth pools in my stomach and muddles my brain a little bit more. The dream fucked me up so good I needed something to dull the guilt polluting my mind. Only it didn’t work; I still feel her beneath my skin, so I’ll drink until I forget. I eventually have to, right?
Emily pulls out the chair across from me and plops down on it. “You do realize today is Halloween, right? You know how important this day is for the kids who haven’t been touched by the weakness yet. You have to show your face for trick-or-treating. And it’s a full moon tonight. You’re the Alpha—”
“Do you think I don’t know I’m the Alpha?” I bellow as I push up from the table abruptly, causing the chair to almost topple over as the glass smashes on its side and spills on the table. I grab my hair in fistfuls and pull at it in frustration. “Do you think I can ever forget, Em? I’m reminded of it every fucking second ofmy life. It’s easy to judge me when the weight of the world is not pressing on your shoulders,” I snap. “You don’t know what it’s like to have so much responsibility you’re drowning in it.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry,” she murmurs, voice laced with regret. She stands and comes to me, throwing her arms around my big frame and pulling me into a hug.
I sink into her as needles stab the back of my eyes.
“Honestly, I don’t know what I would do in your place. Probably lose my fucking mind,” she admits. She pulls back, locks her eyes with mine, and grips my shoulders. “Something is eating at you. I can feel it. You’ve been acting strange for more than a month, and as much as you try to put up a front, I can see through it. C’mon, Lo, talk to me. You haven’t talked to me in so long. Not really. I’m still your person. You know that, right?”
I clear my throat and swallow, stepping back from her hold. The vodka finally hits me hard, so I sway slightly on my feet when I reply. “It’s just the same shit, Em. Everything that’s been going on with the weakness. The kids falling into the deep sleep. What’s going to happen a month from now on my birthday. The rogue—”
