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The bartender drops off our drinks. I pay with a hundred and insist he keep the change.
A laugh breaks up the frustration in Bella's expression. "You're getting showy again."
"I can call a limo to take us home," I say.
"You can order bottle service in the VIP area." She takes a long sip of her drink. Her tongue slides over her lips, lapping every drop. "Is this the kind of place where you go to pick up women?"
"I pick up women everywhere."
She takes another long sip. "But the ones who know you're famous."
"Yeah." It's wrong downing m
y bourbon in one long sip. I do it anyway. Fuck, that burns. I drop my glass on a nearby table. "Why? You want to have a threesome with another chick?"
"You're deflecting."
"You too."
"No. I think I'd kill any woman who tried to touch you." She downs the last bit of her gin and tonic and drops her glass next to mine. "You're really good at deflecting."
"You are too."
She wraps her arms around my waist. "I want to say something, but I don't think I'm brave enough yet."
I motion towards the bar.
Bella shakes her head. "I don't want that kind of courage."
I'm used to playing cool.
To walking away.
But I don't want to do that with her, not tonight, not right now.
My feelings for her are intense. It's fucking terrifying. And knowing that we might only have a few days…
Fuck, I'm not walking away from this. Even if that means I'll be devastated this time next week.
I lead her to the dance floor.
I press my hands against her hips to guide her. Bella has trouble finding the rhythm of a song, but when I'm leading, she catches it right away.
She presses her crotch against mine. Then she's looking up at me. "Joel, why did you ask me to marry you that night? Really? No bullshit."
"It's gonna sound stupid."
"Tell me anyway."
I look her in the eyes. "I've always operated on instinct. It felt right."
She stares back, not demanding an explanation, just listening.
I want to tell her everything. I need to do it now, because my cock is gonna take over soon. "That morning, when my parents told me they were splitting up, this lightbulb went off. Suddenly it was obvious that they'd never really been happy. My mom was looking at me like she'd break if I didn't play along and pretend I was happy about this. My dad was looking at me like I was the only person who could really understand why he wanted to go sow his oats after thirty-five years of marriage. They wanted me to be happy about the decision and, for the first time, I couldn't find a way to laugh it off. I couldn't find a way to deflect."
"You didn't want to put up with them bullshitting you?"
"Yeah, but it was more than that." I lean in close enough to whisper. "It wasn't a conscious decision. I went to Vegas to get out of my head. I thought I wanted to find a beautiful woman and fuck her until she was screaming my name. No, I did want that. But, deep down, I wanted a real connection more."
