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"I won't." My fingers curl around the remote. I do enjoy police procedurals and courtroom dramas. But they're close to that place that hurts. "I like shows about defense attorneys better. Or the ones where you see more civil cases. Like The Good Wife."
"Fuck, I love that one."
"Yeah?"
He nods. "I watch a lot of TV on tour. Kit loves thrillers. He's easy. Ethan always wants to watch monster movies, but he'll give up the TV. And we play a lot of—" Joel nods to the video game console.
I can picture Joel on some tour bus with his friends. Even if I'm basing my image of a tour bus off a Google Image search. And I'm going by his friends' Wikipedia pages.
"I have a long list of awesome defense attorney shows." His voice gets soft. It's like he knows this is a sore spot.
The word attorney is enough to make my heart heavy. This hurts. But it's not going away anytime soon.
Either I go back to law school, put my nose to the grindstone, and really get my shit together.
Or I give up on the plan of Bella Chase, attorney at law.
Those are my only two options.
Either I succeed or I fail.
And the former isn't looking likely.
I adjust my t-shirt. My boxers. My hands refuse to still. My entire body is antsy. I don't want to sit here and talk about this. I want to run far, far away from it.
I can't fail. Not like this.
Joel pulls me closer. "Bella?"
Shit. He can tell I'm upset. He's going to ask. Then I'm going to have to literally run away or I'm going to have to talk about it.
I need to reply. "There's something about standing in open court and saying I am this person's advocate. I will use the law and all evidence I can find to get them what they want. I'm their ally, no matter what."
"You like to support people?"
"Don't tell me that's surprising."
"No." He brushes my hair behind my ears. His hand slides down my shoulders, over my forearm. "Just, you don't have to be a lawyer to support people."
"I know."
"There are a ton of jobs where you can support people."
"Maybe."
"Definitely."
I pull my hands to my lap. This is pressing on that Bella, you're a failure bruise. I need it to stop. "Don't tell me you want to do a naughty nurse roleplay."
"Fuck yeah, but that's not my point." He pulls me off his lap then turns me so we're face to face. "There's a huge world of careers."
I'm sure there are, but I don't want to talk about it.
"You could be an executive assistant."
My nose scrunches in distaste. "An assistant?"
Joel shoots me a cutting look. "Damn. That tone—"
