I sat in the dark truck and let myself feel it all. The loneliness, the regret, the want that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I told myself it should.
I pressed my head against the steering wheel and closed my eyes.
“You’re an idiot, Moore,” I whispered to the darkness. “A complete fucking idiot.”
But knowing it didn’t change anything.
Didn’t make me want her less.
Didn’t make the loneliness go away.
Didn’t fix what I’d broken.
And tomorrow, there’d be another family event. Another chance to see her. Another reminder of everything I couldn’t have.
Welcome to the rest of your life, I thought bitterly.
It was going to be a long, painful road ahead. And a part of me, the part that liked to punish myself, was glad about it.
Chapter 3
LEIGH
Earlier that morning
The drive to Trace and Delaney’s farm took about fifteen minutes from Jasper’s house, winding through countryside that was all rolling hills and open space. So different from the coastal density of Blue Point Bay. Jasper had left earlier that morning with an excuse that he was going to help Delaney with something but I could tell from the guilty look on my Mom’s face that it had been her idea.
“You’re quiet,” Mom said.
“Just nervous.” I watched the landscape pass. “What if they don’t like me?”
“Leigh, they’ve wanted to meet you since they found out about you. Jasper said they were all excited.”
“Excited about the idea of me. Meeting the actual me is different. Seeing the evidence of their father’s infidelity right in front of them might not be as easy as everyone thinks it is.”
I heard the deep breath as she got ready to start with the excuses, the smothering. It was a cycle we’d been through over and over again since she’d finally told me the truth and, honestly, it was exhausting.
But then she surprised me.
“I’m not going to do that thing that where I go over and over about how I did all this wrong, because I know it’s annoying you and honestly I can see why. But I don’t think your brothers think of you that way. Maybe it would have been different if you were all still kids. But you’re not. You’re all adults and you’ve all been through a lot in your lives that give you the advantage of a more considered perspective. You’re your own person, Leigh. The way you came to be does not define you. And those boys will treat you with respect, they’re not too old for a dressing down by someone their senior if they step out of line.” Then she reached over and squeezed my hand. “Besides, they’re going to love you.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I didn’t say it because this was progress and there was no way I was risking setting us back to my apparent nagging and her constant apologies.
The farm came into view, and I sucked in a breath. It was beautiful. A sprawling property with a gorgeous farmhouse, a large red barn, and in the distance, several barns which must have been where they ran their business. Fields stretched out in every direction, and beyond them, I could see a pond glinting in the afternoon sun.
This was where Trace and Delaney lived. Where they were getting married in a few months. The wedding I was still not entirely sure I should be present for. I didn’t want to ruin their special day with everyone whispering about me instead of how beautiful the bride looked.
Several cars were already parked in the gravel drive when we pulled up outside. My stomach flipped.
“Ready?” Mom asked.
“No. But let’s do it anyway.”
We got out, and before we reached the porch, the front door opened. A woman with warm eyes and an easy smile came out.
“You must be Leigh and Caroline. I’m Delaney. Come in, please. Everyone’s so excited to meet you.”
I could see Jasper standing behind her, nervously watching even if he was trying to hide it with a smile on his face. This had to be hard from him and strangely that was the thought that made this whole thing a tiny bit easier.
