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She looks up at me. "I'm sure there was more to it, more he wouldn't tell me. But what could I do? I tried talking to him. I tried waiting. Nothing worked."
"He was wrong. You're fucking irresistible. I'll say it as many times as I have to." I look back at her. "Are you happier now?"
She searches my expression for something. When she finds it, she swallows hard and sits back in her chair. "I'm happy. I'm aching for you, Mal, but I am happy."
Our waitress interrupts to drop off waters and take our orders. Lacey gets blueberry pancakes. I get a vegetable omelet, with sliced tomatoes instead of toast. She smiles of course you're skipping the carbs.
She looks good in her cocktail dress. I was too wrecked to fully appreciate it last night. It hugs her chest and waist in a way that begs for my hands.
She's wearing that same red lipstick she was wearing last night.
It makes her look mature. Adult. Like a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.
"I miss Adam sometimes," she says. "He was my best friend for a long time, and with Carrie in grad school in New York, I don't really have a lot of local friends."
"You miss the familiarity?"
She nods.
"You're brave."
"You…" Her voice is soft. "What are you thinking, about your mom?"
"Every time my parents come around, my head fills with ideas about how things will change. Even now, I'm working out how to best invite Piper and Ethan over for a family dinner. Then we can watch a movie or play a board game after. Take another walk on the beach. Talk about our lives. Anything."
"Is that what you want?"
"That's all I've wanted for a long time. I want us to be a family again."
"Is that really the only thing you want?"
"No, but it's top of the list." My gaze goes to the window facing the port of Long Beach. The water is that same beautiful shade of blue as always. What the hell else do I want? Everything is muted compared to how much I want my family happy and healthy and together.
But I don't get that.
I have a great fucking life. One that will never involve the five members of the Strong family together again.
Deep down, I know that.
But no matter what I do, my heart won't get the memo.
I look back to Lacey. "When Ethan learned to play guitar, that was the only thing he wanted to do. His passion was contagious. Like yours. You couldn't look at him while he played without thinking this kid is doing exactly what he's meant to do."
She nods. "He does get this look in his eyes."
"You get it too."
"Yeah?"
"I love it."
Her cheeks flush. She stammers something then promptly swallows her tongue. It must be the word love. That word has a heft.
I've never told a woman I loved her. I've never felt anything approaching romantic love. There's something in my heart pounding for Lacey, something suspiciously like the shit in every pop song I've ever heard.
I push past my uncertainty. "Ethan, even now, he has that boyish excitement. Imagine that times a hundred."
She nods. "That's a lot."
