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He's trusting me to know he's vulnerable and not run away.
To share his hurt with me.
The responsibility of it fills me with this deep sense of satisfaction. Even if we aren't together, even if we'll never be together, it means the fucking world to me that Mal trusts me like this.
That I can bring him some comfort right now.
That I get to sleep in his bed, in his arms.
I wake up to the sun falling over the room.
To my body pressed against Mal's.
To my heart pounding against my chest, screaming I need all of him, all the time.
I want to stay. I want to offer him all the comfort I have to give him.
But I'm already more in love with him than I was yesterday.
I can't keep doing this.
Not if he's holding onto the whole we're not together thing.
I get back into my clothes, I brush my teeth in the bathroom, and I head downstairs.
Piper is in the kitchen in a tank top and sleep shorts fixing a cup of coffee with a ton of cream and even more sugar. Her blue eyes light up as she turns to me. "Green tea, right?"
"I should go."
"One cup," she bargains.
I nod an okay and she turns to fix it. She's not as careful as Mal. Or as devastated. But the grief is there in her posture. Her shoulders are slumped. Her breath is shallow. Her blue eyes—they're so much like Mal's, only a little lighter—are red.
She places my cup of tea on the counter. "Thanks for coming last night. I was worried about him."
I take a long sip. "Me too."
She taps her fingers against the counter as she tries not to stare at me. "So, um… you think he's okay?"
"No, but he'll get there." I reach for the honey.
"Let me." She grabs it—and a spoon—and hands them to me.
I stare into my tea as I stir. "Can I ask you something?"
"Go for it."
"Why is it you and Ethan are so much more okay with this?"
"Mal told you about our parents?"
"Yeah."
"Then you must know. I was twelve when they left. I have more memories of them being gone than here. I accepted that they didn't want a place in my life a long time ago. Ethan too. He went through a whole thing when they left—dropped out of high school, generally hated the world. He had to accept that it was over with them, that they really weren't our parents anymore, to come out the other hand."
"You've been crying."
She nods. "I fucking hate it. Mom leaves for most of my life then shows up like this… it's like she wanted to cause me pain as the last thing she did." She blinks back a tear. "But I know, deep down… I do realize it wasn't like that. Some part of her wanted to connect. Some part of her wanted her family around if she…"
