“Definitely,” I said. Though I felt vulnerable, I was relieved to share my burden with someone who seemed to understand.
Anna’s pen glided across the notepad, her eyes never leaving mine. The kindness in her smile radiated warmth. I was strangely at ease in her presence, which wasn’t something I’d experienced around people lately. Sabrina was having to speak to any new clients in person, I’d lucked out with Rosalie, and having her with me in the kitchen was great, but after the nightmare interview, I’d shied away from most people, fearing they all had an agenda. Yet, right from the offset, Anna Anderson seemed to be someone I could trust, and that alone was comforting.
Anna set the notebook aside. “Let’s discuss your triggers and ways you can safely manage them.”
I mulled that over as I searched for the source of my outbursts. “My main triggers appear to be anger and stress. There’s been a lot of that in my life lately.”
Anna nodded sympathetically. “I can imagine it must be very hard on you. What have you been doing up to now when you’re overwhelmed?”
I was embarrassed to admit that Ty and I had searched the internet. “We found some breathing and visualization techniques on a webpage. When I get the feeling that I’m about to have a meltdown or get angry, I close my eyes. I imagine the anger is black air, and calm is pink air. When I inhale, I imagine the air is clean pink, and when I exhale I visualize that blackness of the anger leaving my body. The first few exhales are very black, then it’s a muddy mix of both till I’m only breathing the clean pink air.” I looked up, expecting her to judge me for using the internet, or reprimand me for using therapy ideas, but she nodded along.
“That’s a tried-and-true technique, Liza. It’s especially useful if you can recognize the emotions before they erupt into the symptoms you’ve described. Absolutely carry on with it if it works for you, but it’s only one tool in the toolbox. Every tool is used for something different. You wouldn’t use a hammer on a screw, you know? It’s essential to have many tools to use for every situation. Have you ever considered herbal medicine for your nerves?”
I shifted in my seat, and a small, nervous laugh escaped from my lips. “Well, I don’t knock anyone for their recreational uses, but it’s a no for me.”
She chuckled. “There are teas that may help with your nerves and mellow you out. They’re one hundred-percent safe if you choose to use them.” Anna paused before continuing, “For now, I want you to practice restraint. When you become aware of thetriggers, try to redirect your thoughts away from what’s making you angry. Try using ‘see, hear, touch’.”
I gave her a quizzical look. “What’s that?”
“So, if you start to feel your anxiety rising, I want you to find three things you can see, hear, and touch.For example, I canseethe books on the bookshelf. I canhearyour voice in the room, and I cantouchthe pen in my hand. It doesn’t have to be said out loud, it can be internal. We’re trying to find a way to move your focus away from your triggers. You can use that in combination with your breathing and visualization.”
Easier said than done, but it was a start. I nodded, willing to give it a try.
“Now,” Anna said as she stood. “Let’s bring your mate in before he wears a hole in the floor of my waiting room.”
I was surprised to find myself laughing along with her.
She opened the door, signaling at Ty to enter. He strode into the room, his gaze flickering between us with curiosity and concern.
“Ty, you may come in now.” Anna gestured toward the seat next to me. “As Liza’s mate, I want you to pay close attention to her stressors and do your best to keep them to a minimum. Too much stress could result in something far worse than making things float.”
Hearing her describe items floating was so bizarre. How did my life get to this point?
“Thanks for seeing us so quickly, Anna.” Ty reached out and shook the woman’s hand.
Anna smiled. “It all worked out well. I had a cancellation. After speaking with Liza, I’m reassured that the methods we discussed today will be helpful. If we all work together, Liza will most definitely see an improvement in her anger flares. If you need me urgently, you know how to reach me, but I’d like to see you again in two weeks, Liza.”
I glanced at the calendar on my phone. “I can manage eleven a.m.?”
She nodded, and we both made notes in our respective diaries.
“Thank you, Anna.” I forced myself not to shed the tears that threatened to spill onto my cheeks. Today had already been emotional enough without me crying yet again. “I’ll talk with you soon.”
With that, Ty and I left the room and made our way back to his car, our steps in sync as we navigated the narrow hallway.
Once we were settled into the car, it was obvious that something was off. Ty stared straight ahead as he gripped the wheel, but he didn’t start the ignition. My heart ached as I studied his clenched jaw and the tense muscles in his shoulders. Was this it? Had he finally reached the breaking point and wanted to end our marriage?
“Ty, what are you thinking about?” My fingers brushed against his forearm.
He let out a heavy sigh, his eyes not leaving the windshield. “I feel guilty.”
“Guilty? Why?”
“I wish I’d helped you move through your anger flares without them advancing as far as they have.” He lay is his head against the steering wheel as if that could conceal the regret in his voice.
Shit. Like I wasn’t already carrying enough guilt. None of this was his fault, and I needed him to know that. “Ty, it’s not your fault. You’ve been nothing but an incredible support to me. You hear me, Ty Keller? This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.” I punctuated each word with a tap of my finger on his arm.
He turned to look at me, his gaze softening.
