Oh.He hadn’t wanted me to know.
“I see.”
“I wasn’t thinking clearly, Ana,” he said. “I mean, I was, but I wasn’t sure. Everything was happening so quickly, and choices needed to be made. At the time, I decided it was best to keep you out of it altogether.”
“You didn’t want me to know you had a daughter, so you made me doubt myself and made me feel horrible and like I wasn’t good enough for you?”
“I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I’ve been for the past year. I felt like I’d lost everything when I gained my daughter. I should’ve been cheering about finally being able to be a father to her, but I wasn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I felt so guilty because I was thinking of you.”
My heart felt like it had stopped in my chest and turned to lead.
“I’m sorry, Ana.”
He’d already saidI’m sorrybefore, more than once.
“I still don’t get it. Did you think I would … what? Involve myself in your life? Did you not want me to meet her, or did you think I would be a bad influence on her?” The more I spoke, the more I realized that was probably exactly the reason.
I was the girl he’d met at a bar. I was the girl who called herself a witch and talked about how she lived alone and clearly had no good mother figure of her own.
I’d never thought I wanted to be a mother.
Not until him, maybe, when everything changed.
But apparently, Dom didn’t think I would be a great mom either. I wasn’t even good enough to be told the truth. Even if it might have changed everything, it was hard to hear that, even after the summer we’d had together, I was still some random stranger who wouldn’t ever meet his daughter or ex-girlfriend or whoever Piper’s mom was. At least, that was certainly what it seemed like.
I was just a ghost to him.
My lungs expanded as I took a deep breath.
“That was before, Ana.”
“I know. I think.” I had no idea what I thought though. It was all so much, so suddenly. “I thought I knew you.”
“You do. It was before,” he said.
“If it was then … what now? What are you going to do now?” I asked, taking care to make sure my voice remained calm, even.
Was he going to own up to all this, finally figure out a way to make me and him and his life work?
I’d struck him speechless.
“Wow.” I sniffed. “You really know how to make a girl feel good, huh?”
“Ana.”
“Saying my name like that doesn’t make me feel better right now.”
“I know you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad. I’m … I’m not mad,” I repeated, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I felt. Too much. “I’m not mad that you have a daughter. I’m upset that you went on and on about suddenly being honest with each other, and this is the part you omitted. Because obviously, your daughter is important to you. She is, isn’t she?”
“Of course she is.”
“Yet you didn’t tell me about her.”
