And oddly enough, right now, warm and eating boxed macaroni and cheese next to him, as if it were the most casual thing in the world, I didn’t hate him much at all.
I fiddled with my rings on my fingers, unsure of how I felt about that.
“When you didn’t talk about your childhood, I just always assumed that you … I don’t know, moved out or something,” I said carefully. “No wonder you think I’m such an asshole for running away from the people in my family years ago.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
But he had.
“I know I’ve tried to explain before, but there are families like yours that you mourn over having lost,” I tried to explain quietly, one last time, “good parents who pick up their kids from parties without question. Parents who want to see you grow up and do great things. Parents you admire. Those weren’t the sort of parents I had. They picked and prodded at me like I was a prized cow rather than a daughter, and everyone let them. Everyone all around me did the same thing until they got older and had families of their own and continued the cycle. They were cruel and cold and manipulative …”
There was a long moment of silence held between us. I remembered the words he had used to describe me earlier today. They were the same as the words I used to describe my family I ran from.
“I didn’t want to continue that cycle. I didn’t want to be so unhappy. When I left, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would’ve lasted if I’d stayed. Now, yeah, sometimes, my father does call when he’s been drinking and gets sad, but I never answer. I know better than to answer.”
There were only two ways answering could go after all.
And to be honest, neither of them was very good. Even if I might’ve ended up a little like them after all without intending to. Cold, manipulative… hurtful.
“I’m sorry, Ana.”
“Some people are just better people without each other.”
Maybe even us.
“Right.” Dom nodded once. “Well, what I’m trying to say is that the panic attacks and frustration for years was linked to stress and lack of feeling in control. I have a feeling yours aren’t too different?”
I blinked, hearing the switch of topics. He yanked me as if I was on a tether back to right now rather than the past. The safe zone.
I almost wanted to thank him.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t figure out this whole curse thing.” I waved my hands between us. “I’ve been trying and trying, and I have no idea what to do or what I’m going to do, especially since it seems like it’s only getting worse. I started this mess, and now, it’s going to completely ruin my life, which I know must please you greatly.”
“Why would that please me?”
I stared at him, leaning back into my pillows. I wasn’t stupid to think he didn’t want a little payback from all this. I certainly would.
I did.
“I lost my job today.”
Dom stared. He dropped his fork into his bowl of mostly eaten yellow pasta. “What do you mean?”
“I was asked to take some time off,” I corrected. “I kept screwing up so royally at work that my boss basically thought that I must either have a lot on my mind or that I was doing something crazy because, suddenly, I now completely suck at the one thing I was ever slightly good at. Though, now, I’ll have a lot more time to devote to it over the next few weeks, depending on if Kim ever wants me to come back. I think Lexie, our intern, is about to graduate from her beauty course anyway …”
“She isn’t going to replace you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I do,” Dom insisted sternly. I didn’t say anything else as he took a breath. “You work harder than most people I know work in a corporate setting. Plus, you honestly care about what you do and the people you work with. Anyone would have to be an idiot not to see how good you are.”
Silence hung in the air for a long moment. Dom thought I was good at my job. He thought that I was amazing at it even if I had been screwing up a whole lot these days.
Holding my bowl, I nudged him with my elbow. “I think you just gave me a compliment.”
