“If I was avoiding you, then you were definitely avoiding me,” I shot back.
He paused. Then nodded once. “Fair.”
I could’ve pushed. I could’ve asked why.
Instead, I sighed. “I haven’t been doing all that much.”
His expression told me he didn’t buy that. Not for a second.
“Well, besides the obvious,” I conceded.
“I think I’ve decided I want to hear about the obvious,” he said. “Changed my mind.”
I rolled my eyes but gave in. “All right. I finished my bachelor’s in English—which probably wasn’t the best financial decision, but, hey, I did it.”
He nodded like he’d heard that part before.
“Then I got into a writing program for my master’s. Possibly an even worse decision. I guess I’ve always been that girl who bets everything on one thing and hopes it works out.”
“Why do you say that?”
My finger grazed the rim of my glass. “Because writing was always my thing. I thought doing it in an academic setting would make me better at it—or make it real, I guess. Sometimes, I wonder if it just made me more afraid.”
He didn’t interrupt. Just listened.
“I had a few pieces published. Little things. Random think pieces and a short essay that did okay. I interned at a small magazine upstate, got my degree, and somehow managed to graduate right alongside Gina, even though we were miles apart. And now …”
“Now?” he asked gently.
“Now I’m on the never-ending job hunt.”
Josh gave a low, thoughtful nod. “You never came back home for Christmas.”
“Busy, I guess.” I kept my voice even, though my chest tightened. It was true. I had been busy—picking up other people’s shifts, taking campus jobs no one wanted. But it wasn’t the full truth. The real reason I hadn’t come home? I hadn’t wanted to walk into the Hutton house again, knowing what had happened the last time I did.
He let the silence hang for a beat. “And now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you still busy?” he asked. “Or are you going to come back home?”
I blinked, thrown by the way he had saidhome. Like it was still mine. Like he thought I might still belong there. “I have a new home here.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don’t know yet,” I said. “I guess it depends. If someone hires me soon …”
“No one’s going to start anyone before the new year,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “Even if you do get hired, they’ll probably start you in January. No one smart kicks off a new employee during the holidays.”
I nodded slowly, chewing on that thought. For a few hours, I’d actually managed to forget the weight of my current limbo. Now it was back, settling heavy in my stomach.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I have no idea what I’m doing. I mean, is it stupid that I thought after following all the rules, like school and degrees, that gaining experience would be easier? That life would just magically click together once I passed Go and went to work?”
