“There’s no maybe about it,” I cut in. “You know how Gina would react.”
“Do we?”
“Josh.” I gave him a look. “And I’m not going to wreck this.”
“This?”
“All of this,” I said, gesturing between us. The apartment. Everything we’d rebuilt since he moved in. “I don’t want to ruin it.”
He hesitated. “How would Gina react?”
“She would …” My throat tightened. I didn’t want to say it out loud. Didn’t want to break the fragile truth hanging between us. “She would think this is a betrayal,” I finally said. “She once ditched a friend sophomore year just because she’d admitted she thought you were cute. And, yeah, that was high school. But this? This would be worse.”
Josh nodded slowly. But his eyes never left mine.
His voice was lower. Honest. “I like you, Brielle.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. More than like.”
I shook my head. “No, you can’t. Because then …”
“Then?”
“Then I’d have to wonder why you treated me like crap for years,” I said, the words spilling faster than I could stop them. “I’d have to make sense of that version of you. The one who made me feel so small. Like I was ridiculous for ever thinking I was enough to even matter to you. I’d have to believe I was just some stupid girl who couldn’t even make it past a second date with twelve different guys in a month.”
Josh blinked. “Nine. Technically eight.”
“You’re correcting me right now?”
He sighed. “That year you came home from college …” His voice quieted. “I was a jerk. And I’ve told you that. But I didn’t say I was sorry. Not really. And I am. I’m so sorry for how I treated you, Brielle. I toyed with you, and I teased you because I didn’t know how to deal with how I felt. You were braver than I ever was. You showed up for your feelings. I hid from mine.”
My heart thudded painfully in my chest.
Josh gave a slow, almost-shy smile. “I think I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. Stupid, right? Like we’re back in school again.”
“It’s not stupid,” I said, barely above a whisper. “But …”
I looked at him. He was so close. Too close. And every part of me wanted to lean in, to say yes, to crash into this like it was something safe instead of terrifying.
But it was terrifying.
God, I wondered how his lips would feel against mine.
It would be all too simple.
It would be all too wonderful.
There was no hesitation between us. The only thing that was rolling through my entire body was lust for him that had never been sated from the moment I’d first known I loved my best friend’s brother.
There was also fear.
What if he shoved me away again, just like he had all those years ago? What if he laughed in my face, just like he had before? He could.
This could all be a lie.
All the feeling and emotion was rising up inside me. I was a bundle of fear and hope and excitement. I wasn’t sure what I should be feeling, and my body was already deciding for me.
