“Try?” he interrupted. “No. Even that kiss was enough to tell me that if I ever get to kiss you again, I want everything. I want all of it. All of you.”
The words made something in my chest crack open. Joy and fear and a deep ache tangled together, sparking like faulty wiring.
He reached out, tentative. “Just give me a chance. One that’s on your terms. You can even kiss me and then tell me it was a mistake after. Say I’m terrible at it. That I misread everything. But let this be yours. Not mine. Not anyone else’s.”
My voice was barely above a whisper. “What are we even doing?”
“Are you really going to make me say it again?”
“My friendship with your sister …”
“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But I don’t care what she thinks.”
“I do,” I said, and I hated the tremble in my voice. “I care. A lot.”
Josh studied me like he was trying to memorize something. Like maybe if he stared long enough, I’d say something different.
“Then you’ve made your decision?” he asked quietly.
“I think … I think I have to.”
He sucked on the inside of his cheek, trying not to react.
“Are you doing this to get back at me?” he asked. “For what happened at Christmas. That night.”
“I thought you said you didn’t remember.”
“Of course I remember. You told me how you felt, and I shut you down like a goddamn idiot. I was scared then. I was a coward. But I’m not anymore. I’m here. I’m trying.”
His voice cracked a little, and that somehow made it worse.
“I’m willing to be brave now, Brielle. But I need you to be brave with me. Because we can’t control how anyone else reacts—not Gina, not anyone. We only get to choose us.”
But I wasn’t so sure I could.
I didn’t have a job. I barely had a social circle in this city. And now Josh was asking me to risk the one stable thing that had remained through all of it—his family, Gina, the holidays, the safety of the role I played in their lives.
I couldn’t shake the voice in the back of my head. The one that asked,What happens when he leaves again? What happens when he decides he can’t stay?
Because people always seemed to leave.
My jaw trembled. I tried to answer, but couldn’t find the words.
Josh waited. And when I didn’t speak, he slowly nodded.
“All right,” he whispered.
“Josh …”
He paused.
“I can’t lose her,” I said finally. “You don’t get it. You and Gina and your family are the only constant I’ve had.”
“I’ll still be here,” he said. “But …”
He didn’t finish. He didn’t need to.
I looked down at my nails, red polish already chipped at the edges, and focused on breathing. Anything to stop the tears from coming.
