“How does that make you feel?”
I stared out the window of Dr. Winters' office, watching a hummingbird flit between the bright red flowers of the desert sage. It zipped around like it was on some kind of caffeine high while I was sitting here, feeling like an emotional sinkhole.
“Theo?” Dr. Winters prompted gently, pulling me back to the present moment.
I shifted in the plush chair as Dr. Jamael Winters watched me with those patient eyes, like he could see right through the nervous mask I was trying to wear. The dude had this professional vibe down to a science—salt-and-pepper hair, trim beard, and glasses that screamed 'I know my psychology stuff.'
“Sorry,” I mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of my robe. “I was just... thinking. Not that that's surprising or anything.”Thanks, brain.
“That's alright. Take your time.” He adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses. “We're here to process your experiences, not rush through them.”
The office was all warm and inviting, with soft light spilling through windows overlooking this cute little garden. Bookshelves lined one wall, packed with psychological texts that felt way more interesting than me right now.
I took a deep breath. “I guess I feel... disappointed? Or maybe tired of feeling like I'm screwing everything up. Like a classic 'What am I doing with my life?' moment. You know?”
“There are no right or wrong words here, Theo. Just your truth.”
Ah, my truth. The one that didn’t make it to the Instagram highlight reel. I’d come to The Ranch broke and desperate, willing to do whatever it took to make sure Casey got the care he needed. And now, I’d let some rich guy use my body for his pleasure, like I was on some fucking buffet line at a corporate dinner.
And honestly? It hadn't sucked.
But did I say all that? Nope. “Kaiden and Carter kind of... ambushed me this morning,” I said instead, forcing a smile at the memory of them dragging me to the Wellness Center. “They flipped when they realized I hadn't done any of the post-client protocols.”
Dr. Winters nodded, making a note on his tablet. “That was responsible of them. The protocols are in place for important reasons. Kaiden's one of our finest mentors. His advice should be heeded.”
“Yeah, I get that now. The medical check was... thorough. Like, ‘super fun mandatory check-ups’ level of thorough.” My cheeks warmed at the memory of the clinical examination. Not my idea of a good time.
“And how did that go?” Dr. Winters asked.
“Fine, I guess. All clear. They said I need to come back after every client interaction for the first month, make sure I'm not freaking out.” I shrugged, trying to play it off like it was no big deal.
“That's correct. And these therapy sessions are weekly, though you can always request additional time if needed.”
I glanced around the office again, letting the calm atmosphere wash over me. “It's a lot,” I admitted. “I'm actually surprised The Ranch invests so much in... well, us. I mean, I get that we’re their shiny toys, but damn.”
Dr. Winters smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “It may seem unusual compared to other establishments, but The Ranch understands their most valuable assets are their people. Healthy, happy companions provide better experiences for clients, which means better business.”
“I guess that makes sense. Can you imagine the outrage if they went all low-budget?” I laughed, but it felt a little hollow.
“Besides,” he continued, leaning back, “many of the guests who come here are high-profile individuals. Discretion and safety are paramount.”
I nodded, thinking back to the aristocratic bearing of my first client. Just picturing him made my stomach twist with a mix of emotions.
“So,” Dr. Winters said, redirecting my attention, “tell me about your first interaction. How did it go?”
I hesitated, picking at a loose thread on my robe. “It was... fine.” Damn, those words felt inadequate, like trying to fit a giraffe into a Volkswagen.
Dr. Winters waited, his expression open. When I didn't elaborate, he tried another approach. “Many companions find their first client experience challenging, regardless of the specific activities involved. It's a significant psychological threshold to cross.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” I mumbled. “One minute I'm mixing drinks, the next I'm on my knees with a duke's... you know.”
“Let's try a simple exercise,” Dr. Winters suggested, shifting slightly in his chair. “On a scale from one to ten, where one is 'completely negative' and ten is 'completely positive,' where would you place your emotional response to the experience?”
I thought for a second, grateful for the framework. “Maybe like... a four? Or five? Parts of it felt fun, but the ending sucked.”
“That's helpful,” he nodded. “And what specifically moved the needle toward the positive side?”
“I guess...” My face flushed. “I kind of didn't hate the power dynamic stuff. Being told what to do was kinda hot in the moment.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “God, is that messed up?”
