“And your commitment to supporting Casey's recovery?”
“That's a ten. Always.” The answer came without hesitation.
“Good.” Jamael nodded. “Now I want you to visualize these two priorities as actual physical objects. What do they look like to you?”
I closed my eyes. “Casey is like... this massive weight I have to carry uphill. Super heavy, but it's my job, you know? Ricard is more like... I don't know, some fancy bird that just randomly landed on me. Looks amazing, but obviously not something I get to keep.”
“Interesting imagery.” Jamael made a brief note. “How do you place your feelings for the duke in the context of your priorities?”
I kept my eyes closed, trying to sort through the emotional spaghetti jumbling around in my head. “Nothing matters more than Casey,” I said firmly, feeling like I was standing my ground. “I can't afford to get emotionally tangled up with a client.”
“How does that thought make you feel?”
“Like crap,” I admitted, a hollow laugh slipping out. “It's a relief in a way, but it also feels like my heart's doing a tango while my brain screams at it to stop.”
Jamael nodded, letting the honesty hang in the air. “There's strength in clarity, even when it stings. It's possible to acknowledgeyour feelings without acting on them. Think of it as creating a designated space for these emotions, like setting aside a special box where you can safely store them without letting them take over your entire home.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean recognizing you have a crush while keeping professional boundaries intact.”
“Right, exactly.” I sighed. “But I can’t stop imagining what it might be like if things were different.”
“That’s natural,” he said. “What you experience here is super intimate, but it's also happening in this carefully controlled bubble that's literally designed to make fantasies seem real.”
I thought of Casey, the reason I’d taken this job. “I know. But the weight of losing myself in this, especially with Ricard, feels risky. For both work and for Casey.”
“That’s a heavy burden,” Jamael observed softly.
“Yeah, and I can't shake off the guilt,” I said. “He'd do the same for me. After our parents died, he took care of me. Now he needs me.”
Jamael nodded, letting silence soak in. “Tell me more about him.”
I took a deep breath, ready to dive in. “Casey... he was always the strong one, making sure I stayed in school. But the accident left him needing me. I have to help him, with all the medical bills and everything. I was barely keeping my head above water with my regular job. This was the only way to give him a fighting chance.”
“I can only imagine how challenging that is,” Jamael said. “The need to provide for him weighs heavily.”
“Yeah. I came here to make it right. It's my turn to take care of him now.”
Jamael regarded me thoughtfully. “So when you think about the duke, you see that tricky balance?”
“Exactly,” I nodded. “Everything has stakes here. I can’t dip into something that could mess up my focus on Casey.”
“But what if you allowed yourself to feel those emotions temporarily?” Jamael suggested. “What if you could acknowledge them without losing sight of your duties?”
I frowned, wrestling with it. “Best case? Just a fling. Worst case? Heartbreak and distraction, which would ruin everything.”
“Those are valid concerns,” he acknowledged. “But you also need to consider your well-being.”
“Seems a little selfish to worry about myself when Casey's counting on me,” I replied quietly.
“It's not selfish. It’s human,” he reminded me. “You have to be whole to support him through his recovery.”
I sighed, feeling every point he made hit home. “I get that. But it feels like too much right now.”
“Remember that feelings are temporary,” Jamael said, offering reassurance. “They evolve, change. What feels intense now may shift later.”
“I hope so,” I said. “Because right now, it feels really intense.”
