I smiled at him before turning my sights to the bustling city in the clouds. In every direction were interconnected towers joined by glass bridges with gilded side rails. Billowing plumes of cloud buoyed throughout the city, filling up pockets between buildings, fountains, parks, and endless city avenues.
I breathed in deeply, then exhaled in a long sigh, taking it all in. I put away the thoughts of Spirit Harvesters, Stareaters, the temple trials, the Blood Rites. Burning Kaelthos and Tharic Zamarien. This was a sliver of a chance to breathe, and I was going to take it.
The delicious scent of fried plantains, roasting meats, and gooey sweets filled my nostrils, flooding my senses. It made me think of times outside of temple life. It made me feel at home.
Manmi loved taking us to market. We’d buy food, shop until our wings burned and refused to fly us further, and our hearts were content. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about Manmi and all my beautiful memories of her. Memories that seemed to exclude many truths of what she’d kept hidden from us all. Hidden frommeas she prepared me to follow in her footsteps.
Chronophim and Raephim angels raced past us. They were intermingled, bonding in friendship though they were of different angelic ranks. They laughed, as they flew throughout the towers rushing from one place to another. My throat bobbed.
“What’s wrong, Starling?”
“They look so…happy. So carefree.”
“Hmm,”Quazar said, pulling me to face him. He kept a hand at my waist, while pushing my hair out of my eyes with the other. A soft breeze twirled around us, chilling my shoulders in a soothing way.
“I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not hearing your hearts.”He poked at my chest, where the largest three of my seven hearts were beating.“What really ails you?”
“I envy their freedom. Their…life.”
I looked around. These angels weren’t in the Farasee Order. They were just the families and friends. They didn’t have to think about trials. About Disciples dying all around them. About having to shed their blood so the lives of innocents could be spared. My chin wobbled as I fought tears.
“Since my youngling cycles, I was trained for this. Every dawn had a new lesson. Every twinight had even more. I couldn’t eat certain things. Go certain places. Do certain things. It’s like the Farasees say, ‘You’ve been given much. So more will be required of you.’ But no one burning talks about when thatmoreis beyond what you have to give. When that more breaks you. Robs you of your reasons to smile. Delays your desire to wake up and see a new dawn. When that more threatens to break you. And when youarebroken, it continues to break you still. Because submission is not enough. Total surrender is just the beginning.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
“I was raised to hate the Fallenspawn and to adore the temple. I was taught to believe the Farasees and to spare no mercy for traitorous Fallen. I was taught to live piously and do all I could to be righteous. Because the temple was true. The temple was right. The temple is our stairwell to the Infinite. But it’s all turned out to be a rotting sack of lies. The image of the temple is a fantasy.”I lifted my palms to Quazar’s chest, tears streaming down my cheeks.“You have proven to be my only reality, Quazar Valoryen. Outside of you, I just don’t know what is actually true.”
Quazar pulled me in close, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Your love for your Manmi, your Papi, your siblings, Evanae…that istrue.”He breathed huskily down our bond.“Your feather-tight bond to Ellabeth istrue. Your love, adoration, and pure worship of the Infinite istrue. Your willingness to look beyond what is in front of you, istrue. Your love for your friends, and your desire to do what’s right, no matter what it will cost you, istrue. You know what’s true, Starling. You live it out every dawn. And I’ll burn in the Hèls before I let this temple break you. Before I let it make you forget that you’re a burning star that shines bright enough to light anentire realm. That you’re the storm that will shatter their glass walls. The storm they never saw coming. The shooting star that will crash into their pious halls of lies, set them on fire, and watch them burn into endless ash.”
I wrapped my arms, then my wings, around Quazar and wept against his chest. I felt heavy weights that had been stacking on top of my chest for months begin to fall off. He held me tight, wrapping his wings on top of mine. We floated in the air, not caring which angels passed us. Noticed us. Made comments. We held each other as if there was nothing else in the world that mattered. Because really, nothing else did.
“Alright, no more tears,”he said, pulling away after a while. He wiped my tears away with a wing, grinning wide.“I’m about to stuff you with Ouanaviel akra, patties, and donuts.”
“Iama sucker for donuts.”
“You’re my Starling. Of course you love donuts. Come on.”
Fingers interlaced, we flew across the Citadel. I laughed watching younglings rush into fountains, only for the flow of water to overwhelm their small wings, tossing them straight into the bottom of the basin.
“Poor things.”I giggled.
Tendrils of shadow wrapped around my waist, brushing my sides lovingly.
“I can see you doing exactly that at their age. Even if you were told no.”
“Goodness, don’t you know me so well.”I laughed.“Usually Ezekiel or Hosea had to come and drag me out.”
Quazar scoffed.
“Stars. Little sisters are all the same.”
I turned my head to him.
“You had to drag Ivyana out of fountains?”
He rolled his eyes.
