Slowly, Caroline and I turned without a word and walked to the door. Caleb, waiting just outside, fell in step with us as we left the ER together.
Once we were out in the hallway, Caroline let out a long sigh.
“Damn, that was heavy, Cam,” she muttered. “This whole thing’s a fucking mess. I still can’t stand her, and I don’t think I ever will... but she’s heartbroken. And that’s on you.”
Then she marched away, and Caleb stepped in front of me. “I don’t even know what to say.” He shook his head. “Is this why you said she made you happy? Because she’s so open about how she feels? So all in?”
It took me a moment to answer. I raised my eyes to meet his, then finally spoke. “Until I realized it was all just an illusion. Until I finally accepted the goddamn truth—that I was cursed to love a woman who never had, and never would, truly love me the same way as I love her.”
And then I walked away.
Ihad five surgeries today, and it wore me down.
My feet throbbed from hours on hard floors; my head ached from intense focus.
I hadn’t seen Sloane all day. Between surgeries, I searched for her, but she was nowhere to be found. We’d likely passed through the same space, just not at the same time.
I wondered if she knew that Evie was here.
As the end of the day approached, I checked my phone and found nothing from Evie. True to her word, she hadn’t stirred up trouble.
I sank onto the locker room bench, already showered and changed, trying to figure out what to do next.
Then I decided I was going to see her before I went home.
Dragging my feet to the ER, head bowed, hands shoved deep in my pockets, I kept questioning if this was the right choice. But there was something I needed to ask her.
Before I knew it, I was standing outside her door. Evie was still awake, her eyes meeting mine through the glass.
I stepped inside, pulled over a chair, and sat down.
“I’m here to check if you’re alright. And if you need anything before I go.”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Just go home.”
But I stayed where I was, silent.
Finally, she asked, “What do you want, Cam?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m just thinking.”
“About what I said in front of your sister?” she asked.
I nodded.
“I’ve said it to you many times, Cam. You know I love you. And I know you don’t love me the way I do.”
“And you’re okay with that?” I asked, trying to understand. “It doesn’t hurt you, knowing you’ll never truly have me?”
“Of course it does. But it’s better than having none of you at all,” she said softly, then sighed deeply, her gaze softening as she looked at me. “And I hoped, maybe one day, you’ll learn to love me back.”
I looked at her, and at that moment, I saw myself.
Evie wasmeonce, long ago, loving Sloane so fiercely, blinded by hope, deaf to the truth.
I told myself the same thing. That having a piece of her was better than having nothing at all.
I sat there, turning the thought over in my head.
