“I love you. I’ve realized that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I used to feel trapped by this overwhelming love for you, powerless against it. But now, I’m done fighting it. I’m choosing it. And I’ll fight for it. I want to be a better man for you, Sloane. To be everything you need. I know it won’t erase what I did, but I hope you can see how fiercely I’m fighting for you.”
I knew I needed to start appreciating just how lucky I was—to be loved like this, and to be in love.
But I wasn’t sure if I deserved it. I was still trying to untangle the mess in my head.
We were divorced. He had no obligation to be here, to care for me the way he did, with this much patience, this much dedication.
He once said all he wanted was to be happy. And I still wasn’t sure if I could give that to him.
Sometimes I felt selfish for keeping him here with me when he could be out there chasing happiness instead of being tethered to someone as broken as me.
I kept thinking about Evie, wondering why he was here with me and not there with her. He once believed she could give him happiness, yet here he was, standing by my side through all of this. It was probably still a long road ahead for him to find that happiness. That’s why I didn’t understand, and why I was still trying to make sense of it all.
Even though his words kept circling in my mind—that he would fight for me—another part of me was still fighting back, unable to fully understand or accept why he would do that for me.
My therapist said to me, when I asked if it was wrong to rely on Cameron so much, “It’s clear he’s been a strong support for you, and that’s meaningful. But let’s also help you build your own tools so you don’t feel helpless if he’s not around.”
I understood that. I did.
But still... it was always about me. My healing.
What about him?
Was it fair to ask him to keep carrying this with me? To keep staying, even when it was this hard?
I finally convinced him to return to work after he had been away for almost three months. He didn’t want to, refused at first, said he didn’t want to leave me alone. But I told him we needed this. My therapy was covered by insurance, yes, but there were still bills, groceries, mortgage, and everything else that wouldn’t wait. Sooner or later, we couldn’t afford to fall behind.
So in the mornings, he would drive Harper and me to Anita’s house, and I’d stay there until he picked us up again after work.
One night, I was in Anita’s living room with Harper, waiting for Cameron. I heard his car pulling in, but unlike usual, he didn’t come right away. So I went to the door and checked. I listened tohis voice from the other side of the door, where he was talking to someone on the phone.
He said, “Please, Evie. Stop this. I don’t know how to stop you anymore. I blocked your number, and now you’re calling me from another.” There was a pause. “I know I hurt you. I’m sorry. But being with you was wrong. I hurt Sloane, and all I ever wanted was her.” Another pause. “No, I don’t owe you an explanation for why I haven’t been working for months. That’s none of your business.”
She was still chasing him, relentless in her pursuit. She must have loved him that much to never give up on him.
I knew I shouldn’t feel this way—guilty, even—for thinking it. But I couldn’t help it. Being with her meant he didn’t have to keep struggling, didn’t have to tiptoe around me every day as if he were walking on eggshells. He stayed by my side when I needed him more than he needed me, sacrificing so much of himself to keep us both standing.
With her, things would be easier. She seemed to love him so fully, without the weight of pain and fear hanging over every interaction. Maybe with her, he could finally breathe. Perhaps she gave him happiness that I couldn’t, just to be with her without the constant battle that defined us.
Even if it wasn’t with Evie, he still deserved better. Someone easier to love than me.
That thought both stung and settled inside me, because I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.
“Evie, please stop calling the hospital looking for me.” His voice was heavy with exhaustion. After a pause, he added, “Even if it’s anonymous, just let it go. Let me go. I’m where I want to be. I hope you can find your peace, too.”
Then I heard the sound of keys turning in the lock, and I quickly moved back to sit beside Harper. When he saw us, a smile spread across his face.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes!” Harper shouted, her hands shooting up in the air.
“Come here, give me a hug,” Cameron said, lowering himself and opening his arms wide. Harper leapt up instantly, squealing as she ran to him. He lifted her up, then turned to me.
“Sloane?”
I met his gaze and forced a smile. “Yes. Let’s go.”
For the entire drive, the thought wouldn’t leave me. It lingered as I lay in bed that night, still turning over in my mind while he lay beside me, letting me hold his wrist again because he knew I needed to feel him there.
