It took him a moment before he said, “Yes,” his voice faltering quietly. A tear slid down his cheek. “It hurt.”
Oh God. I pressed a hand to my chest because the pain felt like it was tearing through me. I had spent so much time in therapy trying to understand myself, trying to face the ways I could be difficult—the sharpness of my words, the way I kept pushing him away even when I wanted him close. I knew it couldn’t have been easy to love me. But still, hearing that I gave him pain while she gave him smiles... that hurt so much.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, more tears sliding down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes were burning, and I couldn’t stop the tears either. I used to hide them, never wanting anyone, including Cameron, to see me cry. Even now, the old instinct clawed its way back, urging me to lash out, to protect myself by hurting him first so no one could see how broken I felt. But I had learned better. I had learned that I no longer had to do that. That it was okay to let it show. That it was human to feel, and I didn’t have to be ashamed or afraid of it.
And seeing the tears in my eyes only seemed to shatter him. “Oh God, Sloane.” His voice broke as he pulled me into him, pressing his forehead gently against mine. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to handle us. I didn’t know how to navigate everything that was falling apart. And I should have tried harder. I should have looked past what you were saying and seen how much you were hurting underneath it all.”
He leaned back just enough to meet my eyes, his voice steadier now, filled with certainty and conviction. “But I see it now. I’ve been learning. About who I am, about what I should have been for you, and what we need to be for each other. I know better now, Sloane. And I promise, with all my heart, I won’t fail you again.”
“But you did try, Cameron,” I said, my voice breaking through the tears. “You tried, and I kept tearing it down. I see that now. I was selfish. I only saw my own pain.”
I reached up and cupped his cheeks, sobs shaking through me. “I hurt you, and I can never say sorry enough for that.”
He pulled me in, our foreheads pressed together again, but I wasn’t done. Not yet. The rest had been buried for too long.
And I said it, even though it ripped me apart. Even though the words dragged every painful memory back like shards.
“I love you, Cam.” My voice trembled. “I love you so much it terrified me. I was so scared of losing you.”
I pulled back to see his face, those green eyes swimming with pain.
“But you left me anyway. I knew it wasn’t fair to keep testing you, hoping you’d stay. Hoping you’d love me enough to fight for us. But you didn’t. You chose her. She made you happy.”
I pulled back farther, my voice cracking.
“Why, Cam? Why did you leave?” My voice cracked under the weight of everything I had buried for so long. “It hurt me so much.” I took a breath, but it barely steadied me. “It shattered me. And I don’t know if I can come back from it.”
“Sloane...”
“Just tell me. I need the truth. All of it.”
“Because...” He paused, taking a deep, shaky breath before he spoke again. “Because it was the only way I could leave you.”
I stared at him, waiting—needing him to explain.
“I tried, Sloane. Again and again, I told myself I had to leave. That it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t.” His eyes filled with tears as he looked at me. “I wasn’t strong enough to walk away, so I did the one thing I knew would end it. I used her to escape. Because if I made a mistake that was bad enough, you’d hate me. And that hate would finally be enough to keep me away. Because every time I tried to leave on my own, I came back.”
“But you said she made you happy,” I said, my voice barely holding together.
“Yes,” he said quietly, guilt in every word. “Because it was easier. We didn’t fight. She didn’t expect much at the time. I didn’t feel like I was broken every time I looked at her. And we both kept hurting each other.”
He was being honest, no matter how much it hurt. And it hurt him too, I could see that.
“So why are you here?” I asked the most important question of all. “Why come back to me?”
His gaze softened, and tears filled his eyes again, but this time he let them fall. He didn’t wipe them away.
“Because even all of that still wasn’t enough to keep me away,” he whispered. “I’m hopelessly in love with you—too much to stay away.”
“Cam...” I sighed, my chest tightening with love, guilt, and the regret that it had come to this. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I could close my eyes and forget what he did. And I didn’t know if he could look at me without remembering all the ways I had hurt him, too.
Could we really start over? We still loved each other; that much was clear. But was it enough? Was it strong enough to survive everything we had done?
A choice had to be made. And even though he didn’t say it, I knew it was mine. He would stay if I asked, but he would let me go if I couldn’t.
“I guess... a part of me always thought you’d be better off without me,” I said softly, my voice barely holding together. “That I was too broken, too lost, and that loving me would only keep hurting you.”
