“I’on give a fuck what you talkin’ ‘bout, nigga! This my shit!” Antonias’s voice pulled my attention away from Kwamé, Katrelle, and Russ. There was never a time in my life that I’d ever heard my brothers raise their voices. Shit. Tonight was the first night I’d ever heard Antonias raise his voice. “Bee! Get yo’ ass in the fuckin’ house! You niggas get the fuck off my property!”
Wait.“Don’t yell at me!” I shouted back.
Antonias’s eyes spit fire as he glared down at me. He was already angry, and I was making it worse.
“You goin’ wit’ them niggas?” he asked me as he motioned to my brothers.
Right before all this shit started, his lips were on mine, his tongue was dancing in the most intimate part of me, and now we stood here arguing.
“Answer me, Bee! Or was you fuckin’ lyin’?”
“No—”
“You just said you loved a nigga!”
“I do,” I replied.
“Nah, I’on think you do,” he shot back, breaking my heart in two. “You think I told that bitch some shit I would’ve never spoken of.”
I laid my hand on Antonias’s chest and pleaded with him to calm down. “Please, calm down.” He looked dangerous and crazy as hell.
“Nah, I ain’t calmin’ down,” he stated. “You either gon’ love me now, or you ain’t gon’ love me at all, Bee. Right the fuck now. It’s yo’ decision.”
If I made the wrong move, I would lose Antonias forever. It was written in his eyes. Turning to my brothers, I met both their gazes. Normally, I would never challenge my brothers. Not outside of Dr. Bell & Associates. My brothers were my protectors, the ones who never played a single game about me. They were like brothers to Antonias. Their relationship was one I never wanted to break up. The fact that they hadn’t pulled a gun on Antonias or vice versa spoke to the relationship the three men had. I knew too much about Antonias’s past to tear up the family he’d built.
“I’m okay,” I said to my brothers. They didn’t like my response, but I wasn’t leaving the farm. They had to understand. To amplify my thoughts, Antonias’s arms closed around me. His fingers intertwined with mine. All I could think was that there was no better place I wanted to be. Ever.
QuietnessmetmeasI jumped awake. I didn’t remember getting in bed let alone falling asleep. My abdomen ached a little, causing me to wince. Fighting Katrelle played a toll on me after all. Checking the area that was still healing from surgery, I was thankful that my skin was still intact.
Climbing out of bed, I glanced around the room for any signs that Antonias was nearby. His cologne wasn’t present, and the recliner looked untouched. Concerned, I slipped my panty and bra clad body into a robe, then went to search the house. Everything was quiet on this heavy Christmas morning.
Walking into the living room, I found the Christmas tree blinking brightly with what seemed like hundreds of gifts underneath it. Absently, I wondered who the hell all those gifts were for. Finding no traces of Antonias, I glanced out of the patio door to find him reclining in a patio lounge chair.
Retracing my steps back to my room, I slid the blanket from my bed, slipped into my slides and left to join my man on the patio. Opening the patio door, I smelled the blunt Antonias lit. As I approached him, his eyes scanned me covered up to stave off the crisp weather. He had his head covered with a hoodie, and his free hand tucked inside the pocket.
I eased my way onto his lap.
“‘Sup?” he asked. Defeat was in his tone. Even the way his hand rested on my thigh felt forced. Leaning down, I kissed his lips until the hard line they were set in dissipated.
“I apologize for questioning you.” His low eyes remained trained on me as he took another hit of the blunt. He blew the smoke through his nose but said nothing. Something like worry squeezed my heart. I was used to Antonias wearing his feelings for me on his sleeve. Seeing the doubt behind his eyes caused my throat to clog with emotion. “Do you forgive me?”
He clutched the folds of the blanket and brought me back down to him for a kiss.
“There’s nothing to forgive, my baby. I love you, and I mean that shit.” He kissed my quivering lips again. “This doubt you see in my eyes is ‘cause I got some shit I need to settle that’s buried in my past. If I don’t confront what the fuck I feel about my childhood, I will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to see this doubt. Aight?”
I nodded because I was too emotional to speak.
“Lemme hear ya voice, mama.”
“Okay,” I whispered, then choked back tears.
He smoothed his thumb over my lips and said, “I told you it’s ‘til death. I meant that shit, too.” His hand rubbed my thigh, and thankfully, there was life in his touch.
“‘Til death,” I declared against his lips. He laid me on his chest as he finished off his blunt. We stayed out there until the cool air finally chased us inside. That night, I was finally able to sleep in his arms again. In his bed, though. I slept like a woman secure with the man she was lying next to.
Hours later, the sun woke me up. I was alone in Antonias’s bed, but a gold platter laid next to me where Antonias had slept. Eyes wide, I marveled at the platinum and diamond necklace that laid on the platter. A heart locket studded in magnificent diamonds sparkled in the sunlight streaming into Antonias’s room. Hesitantly, I touched the locket, then clicked it open. Inside was a picture of Antonias as a young boy.
Stunned, I whispered, “Uriah.”
