She glanced away and blinked a few times. My tone made her tear up. I’d forgotten that she was there too. She, too, could’ve been injured. A part of me should’ve responded a little better. However, I was exhausted and the anger inside me was ready to bubble over.
“I apologize,” Katrelle stated. “I know how close you are to the Bell family. It wasn’t my intention to imply otherwise. I’m just… I just don’t want to be left out if you decide you need someone to talk to.” Concern filled Katrelle’s eyes. For a minute, I felt like shit.
Six months now we’d been together. I hated that getting with her was a complete damn rebound off Bianca’s rejection. Katrelle had been after me for some time, though. As if she waited in the wings for me to wake up and realize she was the one.
Truthfully, Katrelle was beautiful and was everything I desired in a woman. We’d connected a few times and somehow ended up making plans for our future. A future I wasn’t so fucking sure about anymore. Which was crazy because I calculated everything. My plans were always made knowing there was no way for them to fall apart. Bianca was showing me some shit about myself that I hated to own up to. Like the fact that she had me rearranging my whole life to see about hers.
“I’m goin’ to the ranch for a little while,” I announced, causing Katrelle’s eyes to briefly widen.
“Why? I mean…” She attempted to correct herself because she knew I didn’t like people questioning me. “You once told me that you hated that place.”
“For a time, I did,” I replied.
S. S. Estates used to feel like a damn box that was two sizes too small for a growing boy. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about how much that place had helped me. I wasn’t thinking about how safe I was out there, or how loved I was out there. Leaving the farm was all I dreamt about as a kid. Now here I was, about to run back for the sake of my lady…
Inhaling a deep breath, I had to get my mind right. My lady was standing in front of me looking like a wounded animal. I had to say something.
“I’ll be gone for a few months—”
“Wow,” she quipped, cutting me off. “We were just talking about starting a family and you’re ready to dip on me already.”
Taming my tongue was a chore. However, I needed rest and riling up an argument wasn’t anything I wanted to do right now.
“Katrelle, we have an understanding. One that we both agreed to.”
“It doesn’t look like you’re about to keep your end of our agreement.” She crossed her arms over her breasts and pointedly looked at me. “She’s going to the farm, isn’t she?” Her whispered question was drenched in sadness.
“Nothing’s gon’ change between us.”
“Everything’sgoing to change,” she emphasized. “Let’s be honest with each other, Antonias. I’d rather you tell me now than find out later. Do you want there to be an us?”
“I have to do this,” I answered a little softer to make the blow less painful.
Katrelle’s humorless smile was quick as tears spilled over from her eyes. “Okay. That’s fair. Even if I don’t understand, I love you enough to let you do what you need to do.”
I grit my back teeth because her saying she loved me should’ve made me want to repeat that shit back. After all, she was my fiancée. The words never slipped from my lips, though. Not ever.
Eventually, Katrelle left the room without saying anything else. I gathered myself some clothes for a shower. As I washed my body, flashbacks of hearing Bianca’s name associated with harm reignited the fuel inside me.
Buried deep inside of Dr. Antonias Suarez was a man who clawed his way from the trenches of mass destruction to make a better life for myself. Now here it was, niggas wanted to feel the wrath of a man who never knew the love of his biological parents. That shit was a different type of hurt. A hurt I released whenever I put my hands on somebody.
After showering, I moisturized, dressed, then crawled into the bed. Noticeably absent was Katrelle. Checking my security feed, I saw that she’d left while I was in the shower. That was cool with me. I had another woman on my mind and needed some rest anyway. I’d deal with her whenever I got my mind right.
Two hours later, I was up and changing clothes to head back to the office. Sleep refused to find me, and that was because I didn’t want to sleep until someone’s blood was shed on behalf of Bianca.
I pulled into the parking garage, scanned my badge, then drove to my designated parking spot. Stacy and Russ were at the back entrance waiting for me. I dapped them both, then entered the building.
“And here I thought you’d actually go home and get some sleep,” Dr. Cartright joked as he passed me in the hallway. “She’s as comfortable as you left her,” he added.
Briefly, I spoke to the staff before heading straight to the elevator, to the fourth floor, and to Bianca’s room. I wasn’t surprised to find Judge Bell sitting by her bedside. Minnie was fast asleep on the couch.
Judge Bell took one look at me and shook his head. “Scared the hell outta you, didn’t she?”
I nodded.
He lowly grunted. “You’re like a son to me, Antonias. Watchin’ you propose to someone who wasn’t Bianca made the father in me angry as hell. My wife was the one who told me it wasn’t fair for you to wait forever.” Sighing, he continued, “My baby’s got a long road ahead of her. If you can’t love all of her, let things be as they are. If for a second you doubt the decisions you’ve already made, then the man in me implores you to give Bianca another chance to love you.”
“I hear you.”
