Adir walked over to the side of my bed and judging by how long it took him to say anything, I knew it was bad. I started crying before he even uttered anything.
“Torro’s dead,” he replied flatly. “You were shot two times and…” Adir never hesitated. Ever. This was a big deal, and honestly, he was scaring the hell out of me. “One bullet went through ya abdomen. The other… ya pelvis.”
“What?” The monitor beside my bed went off as my pulse increased. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was about to say.
“You sustained too much damage and blood loss. We had no choice, baby.” Adir’s gentle delivery did nothing to stop the sharp pain that shot through my heart.
My mama’s sobbing stuck the blade of shock, devastation, and extreme hurt even deeper. As if the pain couldn’t get any worse, Antonias entered my line of vision.
The pain that gripped every nerve root in my body was reflected behind his brown eyes. He was devastated, too. The growth of his beard spoke to the stress and worry he carried. Antonias never went without keeping himself well-groomed.
My mother’s soft hands wiped away tears that I didn’t have the strength or will to wipe away on my own. Life had hit me between the eyes without any warning. And now, everything had truly changed. At some point, I fell back asleep to the sound of my own heart breaking. Out of everything that could’vehappened to me, losing the ability to give birth was just too much. Here I thought witnessing Antonias propose to another woman had devastated me.Thiswas devastation unlike any other.
For the first time in my life, I felt lost.
The next morning, I woke up the same way I fell asleep, crying. Through my tears, I finally asked how everyone else faired in the shooting. I was saddened to learn that two of the security team were killed along with Torro. As much as I was sad for them, I was afraid for whoever did this. Adir was surely going to skin them alive.
My mom and dad took turns holding my hand through the bouts of grief I faced. With each new set of tears I shed, he became angrier. I wasn’t sure who put me here, but my family wasn’t going to rest until revenge was had. That was the only thing that gave me some peace.
The next couple of days passed with me grieving. The tears never slowed. However, between my dad, my mom, aunts, uncles, Coco, Heir, and the staff, I was getting through as best as I could. Then there was Antonias. Every other hour, he was in my room checking on me. He doted on me like a man who really cared about me.
This time as tears fell, they included the breaking of my heart for a man I really let slip through my fingers. I would never forgive myself for pushing him into the arms of another woman.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” my mama whispered. Her hands were surely covered in my sorrow. Still, she remained strong as she tended to her daughter.
Later that evening, I was stirred awake by the smell of Antonias. Opening my eyes, I found him sitting on the couch my mama and daddy occupied whenever they were in my room.
“Hey, sleepy head,” he spoke.
“Hi. What time is it?” The days and hours blended together. I hadn’t even kept watch of what was on the television. Everything I focused on was stuck in my head.
“Almost ten.” He stood and approached my bed, bringing his body heat a little too close. “Had to sneak in here while ya parents went upstairs for a nap.”
“Oh.”
“Oh,” he parroted. “How do you feel about going to the farm?”
“Your farm?” I questioned.
He nodded. “What other farm you know about?” His scrunched up face brought a surprising smile to mine.
“I don’t know any others. What’s at the farm?”
“I’m takin’ you there ‘til you fully recover. Is that cool?”
Gulping, I fought the urge to cry again. “As much as my family trusts you, they’re not going for that.”
“They’ve already agreed to it.”
“Oh,” I replied, surprised. “Well, then, I don’t mind.” Being out at S. S. Estates would be some good for me. There I could cry my days away without my parents and brothers breathing down my neck. I wasn’t sure how much recovery I’d get done, but I could surely grieve in peace.
“Are you hungry? You barely ate this evening.”
Thinking about it, I had barely touched the vegetable soup my mother made me.
“I’m okay for now,” I said. My stomach growled, but my appetite just wasn’t there. I was sick. My heart was sick. And so was my soul.
Thenextmorningarrived,and I was all too ready to leave this place. Five days in bed felt like an eternity. Love for myfamily ran deep. However, I was ready to be alone. I was ready to rush along this process of the new me. Getting to know who I’d be in this next phase of my life was going to be a learning curve. My pelvic area endured a lot of damage, and it would take some time to fully regain my strength. Life just really changed in the blink of an eye.
