“Yeah?” The lack of certainty in his tone zapped me like a bee sting. Did he really question whether I wanted him to come? I’d snapped at him the last few times we talked, and I felt bad about it. He’d actually been a lot more sensitive lately, hadn’t said anything patronizing that made me feel inferior in a while.
“Yeah, Drew. I’d love to see you,” I assured him. “Mimi would, too.”
“Cool, I’ll make it work.”
I smiled to myself after we hung up, already looking forward to it. Until I remembered that the week my parents were coming to the Vineyard was after July 15th.
19
The well-manicured lawn of the glitzy restaurant buzzed with Saturday evening excitement. Max and I were sitting at a little table on the lawn at Atria, another upscale Edgartown restaurant on Main Street. The weather was perfect—only a smattering of clouds to break up the sun, a light breeze, low humidity. It was the type of summer day New Englanders waited all year for. Condensation glistened on my wine glass as I wondered what Luke and Luna were up to today.
“Peters & Dowling must be missing you,” Max said as he took a sip of his gin cocktail. He was just making conversation. It wasn’t Max’s fault a rock made of granite formed in my gut every time someone mentioned that firm’s name. I lifted my wineglass to my lips but placed it back down on the beechwood café table without taking a sip.
“Maybe!” I shrugged, wracking my brain for a subject change. I’d rather talk about anything else.Like my novel. I wished he would ask me what I did during the day, while Luna was at tennis and sailing. Then I’d tell him about my writing. For some reason, I was having a hard time bringing it up without an invitation.
“I was so impressed when you told me youwere a lawyer that day at the coffee shop. I thought, wow, she must be as smart as she is beautiful.”
A grin spread on my face. Max’s flattery was like water to a parched flower.
I considered telling him how I really felt—that the more time that passed, the more writing I did, the more conversations I had with my therapist, the less I wanted to go back to the firm. That the real reason I took the job with Luke was to make sure I had at least some income in case I decided not to go back at all.But I didn’t want to disappoint him, tarnish this positive impression he had of me. The initial excitement at the compliment settled like bile in my stomach.Would he think I’m not smart or ambitious if I told him the truth?
I decided I didn’t need to tell him yet, because I hadn’t decided for sure what I would do. I still had two weeks.
Why disappoint him when I might go back after all?
Later that night, tangled in his sheets, I rested my head on Max’s chest after a short but fun hookup. It really was getting a little better each time—ever since I plucked up the courage to tell him I needed more foreplay, he’d taken the time to make sure I was ready before sex. Tonight I’d even gotten close to finishing a few times, until I thought about it too hard. But that was clearly a me problem. Moonlight streamed in the window above his bed, casting us in a glow as Max traced little circles on my bare shoulder. “Can I call you my girlfriend?” he asked.
My eyes widened, but my head was on his chest, so he couldn’t see.Already?
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he added. “Introducing you as anything else just wouldn’t feel right.”
Would it feel right to introduce Max as my boyfriend? I twisted to look at him. Sandy brown hair mussed, blue eyes sincere. It was a bit of a leap, if I was being honest. But if I said no, or that I wasn’t ready to call each other that yet, then I’d be rejecting him, and that would probably be it for us. That wasn’t what I wanted.
“Yeah,” I said, jumping in. “You can call me that.” I kissed his cheek.
When his breathing evened out, I scooched to my side of the bed. My eyes closed but my mind wouldn’t find sleep.
All I could think about was how much I didn’t want to tell Luke about my new relationship status.It’s just new,I told myself.And my last official boyfriend was an asshole.
And for some reason you have this hot dad fixation on Luke that you need to shake off.
Besides, I had more in common with someone like Max, didn’t I? And Max was an attractive, smart, fun, well-adjusted man who treated me well and made me feel good about myself.
I should be thrilled he wants to be my boyfriend.
It had to be 3:00 a.m. by the time I fell asleep.
The next morning we cooked breakfast in the big kitchen at Max’s parents’ house. They were out of town for the weekend, so we had the place to ourselves.
“What was your favorite sport growing up?” I asked him. “I feel like you must have played something.”
“Sailing, if that counts. I went to this boarding school in Massachusetts that had a well-established sailing program. And then I did it competitively in college, too. I’ve been saving to buy a sailboat to have here.”
“That would be nice! Especially if you keep spending so much of your summers here. I’m sure you miss it.”
“Oh, yeah. As you know, not a ton of time for leisure activities in New York. But I kinda love the grind, so I don’t mind.”
I nodded, not sure what to say next. I emphatically didnotlove the grind. Not anymore.
