I grabbed a seltzer from one of the coolers, content to watch them play while I tried not to think about how right it felt to reach for Luke’s hand earlier. I probably shouldn’t be holding my boss’s hand under the table at a barbecue, probably shouldn’t evenwantto do that, given I was seeing someone.But it was harmless,I convinced myself.We’re friends.Friends could support each other with little gestures like hand squeezes in tense moments.
That’s totally normal.
After a few minutes, Luke’s mother joined me, leaning against the porch railing.
“So, Luke told us you’re taking some time away from work?”
I turned to her and nodded. Her brown eyes were a slightly lighter shade than Luke’s, but just as warm.
“I think it’s so great, and brave, that you made a change,” she added before I had a chance to respond.
“Thank you. I—thank you.” I was so used to justifying it, even to myself, I didn’t know what to say to someone who automatically thought my leave of absence was a good thing.
“You never know what is going to happen in life.” She stared at Luna, who was concentrating so hard on her next toss, she’d pulled her lip between her teeth. There was a sadness in Elena’s eyes. She must be thinking about her daughter, the car accident. “You need to live it every day, enjoy it, because you just don’t know.”
I felt myself getting choked up, not only because of their loss and the deep sympathy I felt for them, but because for the first time since March, I stopped doubting my decision to leave Peters & Dowling, whether temporarily or permanently, no matter what happened next. The doubt just vanished. I could almost feel it leaving my body, like saltwater evaporating off my skin in the sun.
It wasn’t worthit.The sacrifices. Living to work instead of working to live.
There wasso much more to life.
When it was time to leave to drop off Mimi and meet Max, I felt like a child getting picked up from a playdate she didn’t want to end.
But I was going boating in Edgartown Harbor on the Fourth of July with my attractive boyfriend who spoiled me with fancy champagne and compliments every time I saw him. I should be excited.
Iwasexcited.
“Max told us you’re on sabbatical from your law firm this summer?” Max’s mother asked after we settled at the front of the boat, glasses of champagne in our hands.
“Yes, I…needed a break. It’s been great,” I said, hoping to avoid a deeper dive.
She popped a grape into her mouth. “I wish he would take a break,” she nodded toward her husband, who was standing in front of the controls, navigating us out of the harbor.
Maybe he just loves it,I thought, relating deeply. I didn’t see myself getting sick of writing any time soon.
Edward Phelps handed the controls over to his son, picked up his glass of champagne, and sat down next to his wife.
“I just finished reading your latest,Something In The Water. It was great!” I said to Ed.
“Oh, did you now? I’m glad you enjoyed it. That one was fun to write.”
I felt the urge to tell him I’d started writing, but I chickened out, hoping Max would bring it up for me and maybe Ed would share his advice. “I bet.” I trained my face into a grin. “I’m going to check on Max.”
I swallowed the rest of my champagne in one gulp before I joined Max at the controls and leaned against his side.
“Hi.” He beamed down at me. I could see my reflection in his sunglasses, my honey-colored hair whipping in the ocean breeze. He tucked a strand behind my ear. “Having fun?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Absolutely.”
I refilled my wine and took another sip, the bubbles popping on the roof of my mouth, and gazed out at the water. A boat passed us, going twice as fast as we were, with an inflated tube dragging behind. The two children, a boy and a girl, called, “Faster!” from the tube, their voices barely audible over the engine and the wind. I chuckled.I bet Luna would love tubing.
Max followed my gaze. “If they go much faster, they’re gonna get tossed.”
“I think that’s exactly what they’re hoping for.”
“Probably,” he agreed.
