The week with my family flew by. My mom and I shopped in town, Dad and Drew fished, and we wound up at the beach or out to dinner downtown most evenings. One night, all five of us went out for an evening sail on the big catamaran that went out of Edgartown Harbor. I didn’t get as much writing done as usual, but I didn’t mind. Luke handled as many of Luna’s sailing pickups as he could so I could spend time with my family. But I missed my favorite father-daughter pair, which was why I invited them to dinner at Mimi’s tonight.
I set out hummus, pita chips, and veggies because Luna liked them. Before dinner, we broke out a dusty cornhole set from Mimi’s basement and played several rounds. Luna was a little ringer now.
“Have you guys been practicing?” I asked Luke after she sunk one right through the hole in the board—her third of the night.
“Yes.” Luke laughed, dragging a hand down his face. “Sometimes if it’s still light out after dinner, we play a few games.”
“You’re doing thatandyour extra tennis sessions with Jeremiah? Your energy levels astonish me, Luna,” I called to her across the yard where she stood next to Drew by the opposite board.
“Me too,” Luke said for only me to hear. He took a swig of his beer and shook his head.
“She’ll keep you young.”
He laughed, full-bellied, at that comment. I felt like I won a prize at the fair.
The sound of a bag slamming on top of the board broke our semi-private exchange. “Okay, eleven to seven,” Drew pronounced, calculating the score in his head in a fraction of a second.
Luke tossed my bags toward me for the next round, catching my gaze, a competitive glint in his eyes. He crushed me the last round, but I was having too much fun to mind.
Sitting at the dinner table in Mimi’s dining room half an hour later, plates cleared, conversation long from over, I surveyed the table. My mom had asked Luke about how he started his business, and Luke was telling us about his first visits to the island with Jeremiah. I knew the story already, but I listened anyway. It was like catching a scene of a favorite movie when it was on TV.
I feel present.The thought came to me with a rush of clarity. I was totally in the moment with my parents and Mimi, Luke and Luna, and my brother, in this house that felt like a childhood home full of fond memories, on this island I’d loved my whole life. My mind wasn’t half here, half somewhere else, worried about a deadline or a draft I didn’t make enough progress on or a client I might hear from with an urgent request at any moment. I was justhere, mind and body.
Nowhere else to be.
Nowhere I’d rather be.
My parents and Mimi turned in shortly after Luke and Luna left, but Drew and I stayed up in the sunroom. We sat in silence with fresh glasses of wine, letting the sound of the crickets and the soft nighttime breeze sneaking in through the screened windows fill the room. It was the first time we’d been alone together all week.
Even though I knew I might not like the answer, I asked, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing? I mean, I’m sure you aren’t surprised I quit. I know you probably think I already tanked my career there anyway.”
He squinted at me. “When did I say that?”
“You didn’t have to.” My eyes were glued to my wine glass as I recalled the concerned glances he shot my way at dinner the night I told my family I quit and the pity in his eyes when we talked at our parents’ house at the beginning of my medical leave.
“I didn’t think that. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if they held it against you, which would be wrong of them, but not unbelievable. What I was actually worried about wasyou, my little sister, and how unhappy you seemed.”
He paused, and I lifted my gaze to him. “It seemed like you felt bad for me that I blew my chance at making partner.”
“That wasn’t it at all,” he defended. “Why would I care if you ever become a big law firm partner? I don’t care what you do.” His tone bordered on incredulous.
My eyes widened with hurt.
“Sorry. That’s not what I mean. I do care, I just…” he trailed off, and his consternation seemed genuine.
I held my tongue and let him collect his thoughts.
“If that’s what you wanted, then I’d support you. And I’d be impressed as hell when you got it. And pissed on your behalf if they passed you over. But either way, I’m already impressed with you—the job title wouldn’t change that.”
My throat tightened and I gaped at him. I knew my brother cared about me as a person, but I could never really tell if he was proud of me, and I definitely couldn’t remember him saying anything like that to me before. I couldn’t form words for a moment.
“I don’t say that enough, huh?”
I shrugged. “You’ve always said my deal announcements were impressive.”
“Yeah, but that’s different.” After a pause he added, “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for not saying he was impressed with me enough, or if it went deeper than that, to all the times he made me feel less than in my life. All I knew was my entire body forgave him instantly, and I felt lighter.
