“You’re reliving it in your waking hours, how is that any better?”
I said nothing as his words settled over me.
“I keep replaying in in my mind,” I said. Keeping my gaze forward as Luka remained silent. “I stabbed you Luka. I fuckingstabbedyou.”
“It’s not like it was the first time.” There was a light tone to his voice, but I wasn’t having it.
“This was different Luka, that was of my own volition. And it was before I knew you. Before I loved you. Before I bound my life to yours. This, this…” Words evaded me. “I should be the one person who never hurts you and I did.I hurt you.”
“Lennox, it wasn’t you, it was the compulsion from Sidna. There was nothing you could do.”
“That’s the point!” I sat up and hid my face in my hands. “Keziq got in my head, Adreona forced me to hand myself over and be her pawn, and Sidna controlled mymind and forced me to stab you. What’s next? Who’s going to control me next?”
“They may have had control of you, but it was only for a short time. You,youfound a way out.”
“I’ve been lucky, what if my luck runs out?”
“We can’t think that way, we’re going into war, we need all the luck we can get.”
I remained silent, I had nothing to say. I wanted to believe him, I wanted nothing more than to let his words soothe me and lure me back to sleep, but it wasn’t that easy.
“Nightmares aren’t a new occurrence for you, why are they bothering you so much now?” Luka was at my side now, his hand rubbing up and down my spine.
“It feels different this time. Before, I had already lost almost everything. Facing the nightmare that I was left alone was different. Now, now I have so much more to lose. I got used to the fear of losing Kara, but the fear of losing you—that’s something I haven’t come to terms with.”
“I have that fear too, of losing you.” He pulled me to his side and placed a kiss on the crown of my head. “Maybe that fear is something that comes with being in love.”
I let out a rough laugh. “Then being in love sucks.”
“I don’t know, Sweetheart, I think it has its advantages. If we weren’t in love, we’d each be Goddess knows where battling these demons alone.” We laid back against the pillows, still clinging to each other.
He had a point. I hated my nightmares, but having him by my side was a comfort I had grown to love. That I needed. “Thank you for loving me.”
“You don’t need to thank me. I don’t think it was possible for me not to love you.” I traced the lines of the flames tattooed over his heart. Of myflames, tattooed over his heart, covering the scars of the Vanir brand. When he told me how he wanted to cover up the brand, I was speechless. He didn’t want to be branded by the Vanir, but hewanted to be branded by me, he told me as he sat in the tattoo parlor in the Aquatic Court the morning we left. I loved deep, but Luka Rossi loved deeper and harder. And I loved him even more because of that.
We laid in silence for a long while, although Luka had helped settle my thoughts, it didn’t bring me any closer to sleep. I made a move to get out of the bed, only to be pulled back in.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I still can’t sleep.”
“I need you in bed next to me to ward off my nightmares—And I can’t ward off yours if you’re not in bed next to me,” Luka murmured.
“That’s not how that works.”
His grip tightened around me. “Says who? It’s worked pretty well up until this point. Did you forget my spectacular dream-catching and distracting abilities?” He slid his hand up my thigh. “Or do I need to remind you?”
“Hmmm.” I hummed as his fingers traveled up the length of my thigh, underneath my nightgown. “I might need a reminder.” This,thiswas the distraction I needed.
He hitched my leg over his, allowing room for his hand to travel further between my thighs.
“Do you remember that first night we shared a bed? When you had a nightmare and I distracted you afterwards? How I let my touch travel up your leg.” He mirrored his words with his movement. “Except then, your legs were clamped tight together. Now—” I arched into him as his finger ghosted across my center. “You’re bared fully to me.”
“Back then I had to hold myself back. After you fell asleep thinking about my fingers on your skin, I laid awake thinking about all of the depraved things I wanted to do to you.” A moan slipped from my lips as he slid a finger inside me. “Do you know what I thought about?”
“What?”
“I thought about how I wanted to sink my fingers between your thighs like I am now. I dreamed of being able to taste you. I wondered what would have happened if you woke up to me between your legs. Making you come on my tongue.”
