“Our relationship isn’t all about me though.” Yes, Luka helped balance me, I didn’t disagree with them, but I gave things to him too. Our relationship was a partnership, it didn’t revolve around me.
“His struggles are quieter. They don’t happen in the heat of the moment in front of others like mine do. I help him too.”
“You don’t need to justify your relationship to us,” Nol interrupted. “I can see how much you love him. You don’t need to explain your relationship. I want you to know I’m happy you found him.”
“Thank you.” I let myself relax back into my chair, pulling the blanket around my shoulders.
“How are you, Nol? I feel like I haven’t been asking you enough.” I turned my head toward him. His well-being was a constant thought in the back of my mind. With everything else going on, I felt like I was abandoning him,again. Not giving him the support he needed.
“I’m surviving. Taking it day by day. It’s hard to reacclimate in war.” My stomach tightened.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Len. We have to fight in this war. This fight is how you found me. It’s just—it’s going to take me a long time to get back to normal—or whatever my new normal is.”
We were all silent for a beat before Nol continued. “I lost hope I’d make it out a long time ago. After I was there for so long—hope seamed pointless. Why try to imagine a life I would never have? I knew our parents were gone, so things would be different. And you two had each other, so I knew you’d be fine—if you were still alive.” He shook his head. “You know how terrible that was? Never truly knowing if you were alive at first? And—and I only ever got confirmation Lennox was alive, there was never a word about Kara.” He looked up from his hands and looked at Kara. “I didn’t know you were alive until Lennox told me. I didn’t believe it until I saw you.”
Emotions clogged my throat as we let him continue. “So after a while I decided to pretend it was only me, that I was the only collateral that night. That mother and father were still alive. That father was still High King and you all grieved me, but you were fine. You had moved on. That was easier than imaging you living without them.”
“It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like that at all,” Kara said quietly.
“I know but…”
“Nol…” Kara’s voice was a croak.
“You know what, that’s enough of this now. Let’s not get into this anymorenow. Because this—sitting here with my sisters, who I never thought I’d get to see again—this is my normal. I need this. Not to talk about it anymore. I just—I want to be here with you two.”
“Nol, you fucking son of a bitch!” Kara covered her hands with her face as her body shook.
“What?” my brother and I said in unison.
“You made me cry!” she wailed.
“Kar…” She stood abruptly, throwing her body over Nol as he sat back in the chair.
“What the?—”
“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
“Me too,” he said quietly as he hugged her back.
“Hey! I want in!” I threw my body over Kara, wedging myself into a tiny sliver of the chair and wrapping my arms around them.
“This was a lot more comfortable when we were little.”
I laughed as tears trickled down my cheeks. “I love you, idiots.” I never thought I’d get this again. To hug my brother. To spend time with my sister and my brother again.
I would never take time with him—with anyone—for granted ever again.
“I love you both until the stars turn to dust,” Nol said.
54
LENNOX
We marched the army east for two weeks. After nineteen days, we made it to Arcadia, where we’d rest for a few days before continuing on the last leg of our journey to Cel Nox. Each day, we got stronger, and we grew more cohesive as a group. The legions had been solidified, everyone was coming into their roles.
Endora and Caterina had been checking in with us and participating in our meetings via the communication crystal. Under Declan’s instructions, the Mystic Court and the Star Court legions would be prepared as the rest of the forces we’d been marching with were.
