“But what is our end goal here?” Nico asked. “War?”
“If it comes to it, yes,” I said. “I don’t want to put my people through that, but if that’s what has to be done I’ll do it. I’ll do it to save the vampire race and all the innocent people Adreona continues to terrorize.”
Luka placed a hand on my thigh and squeezed. I wasn’t back there. I was out. I was safe.
And I would fucking kill that bitch.
It had been three days since I’d been reunited with my family. We’d arrived back in Alethens yesterday. In a few days, I’d face my people.
But before I faced my people, I had to face myself first.
I took a deep breath and dropped the towel, letting it fall to the ground at my feet. Droplets from my damp hair slid down my naked body as I stood in front of the mirror. I took the hand mirror from the vanity, holding the golden handle as I turned.
I held up the small mirror over my shoulders and forced myself to look in the reflection.
Scars covered the entire expanse of my back. From this view, it didn’t look like there was a single strip of unmarred skin.
I could feel the phantom sting of the whip on my back.
I made it out, I reminded myself as I took a quivering breath.
The water dripping down my skin felt too similar to blood. I could feel the panic crawling up my throat.
The mirror slipped from my hand. The glass shattered across the bathroom floor as I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my sobs.
But I couldn’t stop them. I fell to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and hiding my face as I let the tears fall.
How had I let that happen? How had I let them treat me like that? I was Lennox Adair and they used me as a whipping pole.
I didn’t hear the door opening, only Luka’s voice softly calling my name. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t look at him.
When he saw my back in the tub—I’d never felt such shame. Shame that I let someone do that to me.
A towel wrapped around my shoulders, cradling me in warmth as Luka sat at my side. He didn’t say anything. He pulled me against him and I let myself fall into him, I let him hold me as my sobs continued to wrack my body.
He didn’t say anything. Not a word as he alternated between stroking my arm and placing kisses on my forehead.
Eventually, my tears stopped, but I didn’t move.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
I took a deep breath. I was already rubbed raw, what was a little bit more pain? “When I refused to follow her orders, Adreona ordered them to whip me.”
I could feel Luka stiffen. “The one time she would whip me within a couple of lashes of passing out, only to stop to let me recover enough before beginning again.”
“Lennox—” His voice was rough.
“I held strong when they did it, I tried so hard not to show weakness. But now—Luka—I wasn’t strong at all was I? I let them do that to me and now I’ve got the scars on my back to remind me for the rest of my life how weak I was to let that happen.”
“Fuck, Lennox. You think those scars make you weak?” He placed a kiss on my shoulder. “I think they are a reminder of how strong you are. They are a reminder of what you survived.”
I wanted to believe his words, but I didn’t think I had it in me. I had been putting up a strong front since we’d be reunited, but I couldn’t do it anymore.
“I’m so tired.”
“And that’s okay, you’ve been through a lot. You can take a moment to break down. I think you’re due.”
I managed a half-hearted laugh.
